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Drama: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
Posted by SindelChaos on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 04:04 AM PST

Rant
The word "vacation" is defined as "A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation." I am sure vacations are supposed to be pleasant enjoyable things. I am sure all of you enjoy, or plan to enjoy your vacations. My boyfriend Nick, and I were not so lucky. I feel like it's my duty to help you have a better vacation by telling you how horrible mine was, and by giving you tips so that you do not make the same mistakes. You'll thank me later.

This whole mess started at the end of May when my mother called me on Nick's cell phone. She invited us to accompany her and her boyfriend, Bill, on vacation  to the West Coast. Nick and I weren't feeling too great about it but were  eventually overcome by the once in lifetime opportunity.

Tip#1: DON'T GO WITH YOUR PARENTS!!!!

We were told the date and time of our departure. We had our bags packed and  ready to go. We got into his purple Ranger and drove down to their house. We  soon realized that they were nowhere near ready. Their bags were not packed  - nothing.

  They were worried about things that didn't even pertain to  the trip. For example, Bill just "HAD" to get the tin (that was supposed to  be on the garage 2 weeks ago) on the garage. He also thought he "HAD" to mow  someone else's lawn (which we all knew he wouldn't get paid for until  well over a week after we got home.) The consequences: leaving a day late and  not  being 100% sure if we had everything that we needed for this  trip.

Tip#2: LEAVE PROCRASTINATING DIPSHITS AT HOME!

Tip#3: DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOUSE UNTIL YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE 100% OF ALL  ESSENTIAL ITEMS!!!

We FINALLY made it on the road. Our first stop was Kansas. The only reason  we stopped in retarded Kansas was because Bill just "HAD" to see Dodge City.  I am pretty sure most of you don't know what is so great about Dodge City,  Kansas. Hell, I don't even know. I am also almost sure you don't care.  Dodge City is famous for the "Wild Wild West" where drunken men with guns would  kill each other like fools. They would carry the dead to a hill where they dug them shallow graves leaving their boots sticking out of the ground. This  hill was named Boot Hill. The only thing I find remotely interesting about  this is: HOW IN THE HELL DID KANSAS GET A HILL TO BURY PEOPLE ON?!

We paid $25.00 to see these "preserved boots" sticking out of this "hill." After  spending about an hour in the ever-so-cool gift shop and only spending 2 dollars  on a magnet, we went up the hill. We saw these little cemented "boots" sticking  out of the ground. Nick, having to prove his point about how moronic this whole  day had been, got off the path and knocked one of the "preserved boots" over.  THEY WERE LITTLE STATUES OF BOOTS!!! I don't know which was more sad: Someone  making a museum for fake boot statues sticking out of the ground and calling  them preserved, or Bill thinking all this is still cool after discovering it.

Tip#4: DON'T GO TO KANSAS!

All you will see is corn, fields, and one stupid little hill  with  a "museum" dedicated to cement boot statues.

Tip#6: DON'T GO TO PIECE OF SHIT "MUSEUMS"!

After Kansas, we made it to Colorado. It's actually really nice there,  other than the fact I had to hear my mother and Bill fight for 4 hours  about Nick and I supposedly having sex in the back of the van. Which wasn't  true of course. The mountains and everything were really breathtaking. The  next morning after checking out of the hotel, we get in the van and it doesn't  start. We have NO jumper cables. We later discovered that Bill had bought a starter,  new battery, and some new brake pads and didn't put them on the van before  we left. He was too busy running around doing retarded shit like mowing someone  else's lawn. The cooler in the van wasn't helping either, seeing as  how it milked the battery. We finally got back on the road.

Tip#7: DON'T GO ON TRIPS WITH PERVERTED AND NOSEY PEOPLE ESPECIALLY IF  THEY DON'T HAVE THE PROPER CAR UTENSILS.

Tip#8: FLY TO YOUR DESTINATION!

From Colorado we went to Wyoming. By this time, If I saw another mountain,  pine tree, or lake I was going to puke. Mom decided to go to Yellowstone. The  only good thing about Yellowstone was the hot, geyser spots in the ground.  It reminded me of the Bahamas only it smelled like Sulfur. We saw a male Moose.  It would have been better if he hadn't had been pissing and shitting the  whole time we watched him. Old Faithful was just boring. I was ready to go  home an hour later. But no, my mother got the stupid hair-brained idea that  we could find a bear in Yellowstone by just driving down the road. Hello, Yogi  the Bear is a cartoon! We drove for hours in Yellowstone looking for a bear.  Finally, Nick and I bitched enough that we left.

The next morning, Bill stopped in the middle of nowhere at this cafe. I really  didn't feel comfortable eating at a small restaurant in the middle of nowhere.  I ordered chicken fried steak with egg whites. I got my food. The eggs were  not white at all. It looked like scrambled eggs. I didn't complain because  they would've probably spit in my food. I took a bite of my chicken fried  steak. It didn't taste like beef...at all. I was immediately grossed out  at the thought of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It pissed my mom off but I didn't  care.

Tip#9: DON'T DREAM BIG WHEN VISITING A WILDLIFE RESERVE CHANCES ARE YOU'LL  SEE A DEER RELATED ANIMAL

Tip#10: DONT EAT AT STRANGE PLACES IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!

We hit Montana next, nothing exciting. More fighting... Mom stopped at a Family  Dollar and found a $12 giraffe stool. One that's not even shin high. We  put it by the front of the van so it wouldn't get broken. We stopped at  a gas station somewhere and she put it in the back where the back seats folded  down into a bed. Where it would and did get broken. Luckily, it could be fixed  but, unluckily my mother started crying like a two year old.

Tip#11: DONT CRY OVER SOMETHING FIXABLE AND CHEAP!

We hit Idaho. Nothing but cliffs. I couldn't sleep because every 3 seconds  it's, "BILL 35MPH CORNER.... BILL WAKE UP... BILL SLOW DOWN... BILL FOR  THE LOVE OF PETE SLOW DOWN!!!"

Tip#12: MAKE SURE YOUR DRIVER STAYS AWAKE AND ALERT AT ALL TIMES!

We arrived in Washington but couldn't find a hotel to sleep at. Every  hotel for 75 miles was booked solid. We finally made it to a Motel 6 at 5 am.  Bill had insisted that it wasn't going to rain when we got to Washington  but it did. All my clothes were in the back in a "waterproof" bag. After everyone had woken up from their 4 hours of sleep, we had to spend $15  in quarters to dry our clothes.

Once we made it to Seattle, it started  to rain again and my clothes were in the back - again. Nick and I had to bitch  for Bill to pull over to put our clothes in the front. I had arranged to meet  with Devin and Litho that weekend to take some photos, and I was so excited  until we got there.

My parents were so embarrassing, and I felt like I was going to die. We went  to eat at this pizza parlor in Seattle and I really didn't feel well because  the vibe had already kicked in. The more my mom talked of nothingness, the  more I wanted to commit suicide. The next day, when we agreed to take photos  was the worst. The car broke down again and Devin had to come give us a jump.

The day had already started out like shit. The shoot came out okay except  I was too giggly and stressed. Half of my clothes were still wet. That night,  Bill and Nick came back from running around Seattle all day, and the drama  still wasn't done.

Bill and Mom started a fight right in Devin's apartment. All this screaming  and yelling over something stupid - Bill and his assumptions. If I had a gun  handy I would have shot myself right then and there. Litho ended up getting  sick a few days later over the stress and had to go to the hospital.

The next day, I went shopping and my mom spent 700 dollars on me. Devin came  over later. We were sitting ouside talking and we timed how many minutes between  each time Bill came back to check on me. The longest we timed was 4  minutes. Later on, we realized he was eavesdropping by the fence behind us  at the pool.

Then when we all went back to the room, the parents started fighting again.  This time over how big of a whore I was for having friends and having photos  taken.

Tip#13: BOOK ALL HOTELS BEFOREHAND SO YOU ARENT DRIVING LATE INTO THE NIGHT!

Tip#14: PREPARE FOR ALL WEATHER CONDITIONS!

Tip#15: STAY AWAY FROM LOUD OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE!

Tip#16: DONT PACK ANY KIND OF WEAPON WHILE TRAVELING!

Now, I would go on and on about this trip because it lasted almost three more weeks.  Far worse things happened. Basically because the two people we went with were  extremely stupid. I hope this helps some of you out for your future vacationing  plans, and if it doesn't, at least you will know that someone out there has had  a worse vacation.



Note: There is more to this story in the comments

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This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan | Login/Create an account | 23 Comments
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Re: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Jul 14, 2003 - 06:25 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.hotelshade.com
Wow, now that is a hell vacation. Did they charge you to leave Kansas? The one time I've been through Kansas, it was the middle of the night, we spent the entire time driving between danger orange donkey kong barrels, behind a truck with more barrels on the back so we weren't even sure where the road was bacause it literally kept weaving in front of us. Our driver was speaking some strange dialect of farsi even though he was a born and bred Seattleite whitebread junior lawyer, and when we got to the end of Kansas and they told us we had to pay to leave the only question we had was "which limb?"


Re: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on Jul 14, 2003 - 07:01 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
"The only thing I find remotely interesting about  this is: HOW IN THE HELL DID KANSAS GET A HILL TO BURY PEOPLE ON?!"

LMFAO!!

Everyone who has ever driven through Kansas has asked this same question.... It sounds like that museum was slightly better than the Prairie dog town off I-70, near the Kansas-Colorado border... that place is sad... an old man who built a petting zoo over a prairie dog colony, and has odd things like stuffed two headed rattlesnakes and stuffed two headed calves, and deformed cows with 6 legs in a corral out back. The kids thought feeding the mangy goats dog food was fun, anyway. The only way out of the petting zoo area is to wind your way through the gift shop area...

It certainly sounds like you had the vacation from hell, Sindel...I agree with you. Never try to enjoy yourself on a vacation with your parents. It's just a lesson in frustration...



Re: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
by Arthegarn on Jul 14, 2003 - 01:26 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
I believe Sindel just volunteered to organise next year's Shmeng party, heh heh heh. Your expertise will be most helpful in preventing us all from making similar mistakes... Anyway this makes me think I should post something in March to ask for advice about what I will need to survive in the States, besides getting rid of my accent and taking a quick course about "How to go from the metric system to any other measure system without cursing all your way through" Can I drive with my Spanish license, for instance? What do I need to rent a car? Book a hotel room? What's the difference between a hotel and a motel? Is there anywhere I can buy olive oil without getting robbed for it? How much alcohol can I legally enter the US? Where are the bars that open during work days? Is there really so much crime in NY and Washington DC? Is it true that they stop serving alcohol after a given hour, or is it just a black legend?

Yow, I really can't wait to know your country (most of you, at least) first hand, even if it's just going to be the east coast. I would like so much to check if Seattle really sucks, if all chics in California are gorgeous (I love "Last Action Hero"), if Chicago is so cold and noisiy and if in Texas people really dress like cowboys... (OK, OK, and get to Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas, that's right)

Yogi Bear is a cartoon??? You mean no matter how much time I spend looking for it I won't find the Baxter Building? Nor the Daily Bugle? Nooooooo


Re: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
by Merry_Widow on Jul 14, 2003 - 01:27 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
Oh sweetcheeks, you have it all wrong. The answer to people who annoy/embarass/abuse you is not to kill yourself. It's to kill them. As for what to do with the bodies afterward...well, I hear from a reliable sourse there is this fantastic hill in Kansas...
Sorry you had such an awful time with it, though. The most valuable lessons learned are often the most nauseating experiences.


Re: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
by RavensSoul (TheRavensMuse@aol.com)
on Jul 14, 2003 - 06:11 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://hometown.aol.com/theravensmuse/
It probably would have been just as bad if you  had flown. For my vacation, I drove to Florida with my aunt, uncle, and cousin and then flew home. The trip was ok, driving down there was ok, except that there was a lot of traffic in Georgia and it ended up delaying us like 2 hours... but the flight... dear god, it was awful.
Getting into the air port required waiting in a line for an hour out in 100 degree weather. Getting to the boarding area involved waiting in a line for another hour while people get selected for a random search.... I got selected for a random search. The only good thing about that was the line was shorter.
Get into the random search line. Wait. Take off your jewelry. Take off your shoes. Take off anything that could potentially set of a metal detector. I did all of that. I had no metal on me, and the detector kept going off.
I was taken aside and had the metal detector wand thing done a couple of times.... the little bastard kept going off. I was told to stand against the clear plastic wall, legs spread, arms on the wall. I was patted down. The man doing this seemed to be having a very nice time patting down my ass and my inner thigh. I was almost in tears from embarassment and being touched by some wanna-be G.I Joe in the airport.
The plane was very crowded and I ended getting seated by a very scared Mexican woman who squealed everytime the plane moved or made a noise... which was quite often becuase the plane sounded like it was gonna blow up at any given second. The pilot like making turns that had the plane almost completely sideways and the flight attendant kept giving me dirty looks.
Heh, no matter how you're traveling. Things can always go from bad to worse to horrible...to whatever is even worse than that.


More Detail from the Nighmare
by Devin (devin-at-vibechild-dot-com)
on Jul 14, 2003 - 08:49 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://devin.vibechild.com/

I thought I'd add my side of this story since sindel is playing it down considerably.  It was far worse than she's making it out to be. I know she probably couldn't say much more without sounding like she was whining, and that's not her style, but I can fill in the blanks.

She got here late on saturday. They got a little lost trying to find my house, so I went out on the street to wait. They pulled up in the big brown van and annoyingman jumped out talking - incoherrantly. Then mom got out ranting about how they must be crazy for bringing her to see me.  We all went inside and spent some time trying to convince the psychos that I'm not psycho while they flung random vibes everywhere like they had no clue they were doing it.  Sindel just sat there looking embarassed as hell, and the poor boyfriend sat there like a scared puppy not saying a word. I tried to get him to go hide in my room and play my guitar but he didn't want to.  Litho looked terrified as well, and spent the whole time looking for a motel for them in the phone book and online.

We finally decided to all go get some pizza, and the only sit down pizza place I know of within driving distance is in downtown Bellevue. It's definately NOT pizza hut.  Picture it as a low end Beverly Hills Modern Italian restaurant right in the most class conscious part of the Seattle area.  We sat down and I chatted with the parents more, I have no idea what they said, I was trying to be diplomatic - but my grandmother's voice kept echoing in my head saying "class means not being mean to people you don't like".  It's a good thing grandma was there to remind me. Litho kept giving me looks of horror. I think most of the food ended up on their clothing, but we managed to finish. Sindel kept hiding her face every time her mother would do or say something embarassing (which happened a lot).  We finally left, and on the way to the motel Litho was like "I had no idea there were people with as little class as those 2".  Litho grew up in a little hick town about 20 minutes northest of Seattle, with nothing but rednecks everywhere.

When we finally got to the motel, we talked about more stupid stuff that I don't remember, and I pointed out some places on a map that they might want to see. Sindel got into a bathing suit and dragged us out to the pool. (Yes, everybody needs to be very jealous of me and Litho for seeing this).  In my head I was thanking her profusely for getting us out of there.  We sat by the pool and chatted with the boyfriend a bit while we watched sindel splash around.  The boy is a nice kid - a little harmless musician boy.

After about 4 minutes, annoying man comes out, strips down (his fatness cancelling out all the yummyness of sindel in a bathing suit), and jumps in the pool.  He chased her around for a second until she got annoyed and got out. We talked for a few until he got out, and we went back inside. Then made excuses and left.

Me and Litho got back to my place and just kept looking at each other in shock.  I wish I could remember all of the things they were talking about - I suppose I should have written this right afterwards, because I've blocked it all out of my mind.  Litho went home, and on her way out said "we need to do back massages soon".

So the next morning we had planned to take pictures all day.  Sindel called me and told me I'd have to come get them since their battery was dead.  So I came over and picked up her and her mom and gave her boy some sympathy, since he'd have to spend the day with annoyingman.

After listening to the mom whine for a while, Litho showed up and we started taking pictures against the wall in my living room.  Mine were coming out really bad, and I couldn't figure out why. Sindel looked great, and the camera was working fine, but there was no vibe. 

Then we went right outside my door and took pix

Read the rest of this comment...



Re: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
by KatB on Jul 14, 2003 - 10:24 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://batkat.gothamnights.com
I am terribly sorry for you for having had such an awful holiday, Sindel, and maybe even more sorry for your boyfriend.
Fortunately, after a while one tend to realize that if you don't like your biological family, there is no reason to hang out with them.
With good friends around you do not need 'family'.


Re: This Vacation Was Brought to You By: Satan
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Jul 14, 2003 - 11:48 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/
Goddamn kid I can't believe that you spent all that time in a fucking CAR with those people.  I was about ready to blow my friggin brains out after a half hour of listening to them talk that time you left the Voice Chat on and gave michael and I a dose of the "family".  And your parents have no right to tell you you're "slutty" especially after what I heard your mother say over the VC , which by the way almost prompted me to buy plane tickets, a shot gun, and a barrel of sulfuric acid.  You have my deepest sympathies, girl, and I hope you managed to squeeze SOME good times out of that horrid experience.


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