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Wanted: EMPSK's
Posted by Dolorosa on Wednesday, May 07, 2003 - 09:32 AM PST

Experiences
Living with my folks for the past couple of month after my return from the military has spawned a few interesting events. So far, it's fairly easy...they respect my privacy, and I theirs. My mom has a hard time accepting the fact that I'm planning on leaving again soon, but she supports me well. In all honesty, no fights or anything like that...but recently something interesting and kind of funny popped up. While looking in my room for her boom box, my mom came across my EPSKs, and they confused the hell out of her. For those not in the know, EPSK stands for "Emergency Paranormal Situation Kit". The first one is an old WWII German medical bag, sturdy canvas, and stuff. Inside it are three sharpened wooden stakes, a crucifix complete with a lil' Jesus on it. Two vials of old holy water, a squirt gun and a homemade napalm hand grenade strapped to a lighter I tinker with. I'm pretty sure you can guess what EPSK 1 is used for.

The second is in my old duffel bag laying on the floor, in it is a broken down aluminum spear thats about six feet long when fully put together. Next to it is a silver coated spike I made by melting some of my old jewelry down and coating a railroad spike. As if that wasn't enough, I have few bundles of wolfbane, and two silver bullets I bought at a second hand ghetto shop. EMPSK 2 is probably my favorite and definitely the most expensive all together.

EMPSK 3 is in a satchel I got at a shrine in Japan, neat little thing made out of heavy paper, decorated with all sorts of pretty Kanji words. It holds two small statues of Buddha, a compass, some rice and a few wish scrolls from the Kyoto shrine. A tiny pocket mirror, two steel arrowheads, and a sharp efficient knife. Various other odds and ends are in there, as well as a small but precious amount of sand from my favorite beach in Okinawa. Although probably the cheapest all around, EMSPK 3 carries a lot of nostalgia in it.

The fourth caused the most problems with her...since she actually looked in that one. Not too many kids carry around mummified human fingers. At least I think they're human, they could be monkey fingers. That one has bailing wire, a paintbrush, voodoo doll, a book on Spanish for Beginners and Conversational Creole. There are Lots of needles, some fabric, as well as a catholic votary candle that depicts one of my favorite saints, ST. Jude. It also has a loaded magazine with some 9.mm soft tip rounds in it in case negotiations go sour. EMPSK 4 is my Voodoo/Santeria kit.

Mom was worried about them and confronted me later. Now, don't get me wrong, my ma is pretty damn open-minded, and it's from her side of the family I get my metaphysical edges. But these bothered her so she asked me about 'em. She kinda stumbled around it for a bit then finally blurted out, "What the fuck are those things!? Do you believe in that stuff?" I looked her square in the eye with a grin on my face and said, "It pays to be prepared...I may or may not believe in 'em, but I sure as hell don't want to get caught with my pants down."

It ended up in a pretty amusing way, I explained what they were for...One for vampires, one for werewolves, one for ghosts and one for bad mojo and stuff. I admitted they weren't complete, but better that than nothing right? Well, her reaction surprised the hell out of me. She decided that the idea was pretty sound, suggested a few others and decided that they should be put in the hall closet for easier access.
So thats where they are now, middle of the hall closet...just in case.

It's weird really...maybe I'm not as crazy as I think I am...or maybe it's just hereditary yeah?
In any case...anyone have any ideas for more of the things. I'm half thinking I could make some money off this idea.



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EMPSK's | Login/Create an account | 38 Comments
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Re: EMPSK's
by Psychopixi (psyche-at-psychopixi-dot-com)
on May 07, 2003 - 10:13 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://psychopixi.com
EMPSK's huh? Kinda reminds me of the trunk Buffy used to have in her room. (I'm a Buffy freak)

That's a kinda kooky idea, but I like it!


Re: EMPSK's
by Merry_Widow on May 07, 2003 - 11:43 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
Dolo....what about the zombies?


Re: EMPSK's
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on May 07, 2003 - 11:51 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.hotelshade.com
That is too cool, your mom rocks Dolo. And the kits sound pretty complete except the notable lack of rum and tobacco for the bad mojo kit (Those 'types' like sugary alcohol, so the sweeter the run the better, and the tobacco smoke causes them to 'concetrate' which either allows them to hear you better, or get better aim depending on which stage of negotiations you happen to be engaged.)

Down here in New Orleans, humourously enough we don't feel the need for a kit, but back in Seattle, and especially in Monterey, ca. Callei and I used to have a couple of things just set around the house for just in cases. Like you said, we may or not believe in them, but what matters is whether or not they believe in us.


Re: EMPSK's
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on May 07, 2003 - 04:15 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
a bit of white chalk, some Frankinscence inscence, and a copy of the Greater and Lesser Banishing Rituals of the Pentagram for the Demons.


Re: EMPSK's
by dead-cell (Tarant-zero@nandomail.com)
on May 07, 2003 - 06:08 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
I want an EMPK now! You got one for ancient gods? It a cool idea you got going there. Maybe you could market them one day to ammature paranormal hunters, or as novelty gifts.


Re: EMPSK's
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on May 08, 2003 - 01:16 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/
You know, that is a damned fine idea man *lol* call you Mr. Prepared-For-Anything *ha*
Salt is good to keep for ANY occasion...it's an almost universal good thing to have. And it stings like hell if you throw it in someone's eyes.

I always keep a bottle of patchoulli oil handy.
That enough of that shit repells ANYTHING. Except hippies.


Collect Call of Chthulu
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on May 08, 2003 - 01:21 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
Salt!! I knew I needed something!! Heh...recently one of my friends and I actually thought up an elder lovecraftian god EPSK. All it is really is a handgun with one bullet in it and a blank Will and last Testament form


Re: EMPSK's
by SeraphimSilence (webmistress@silent-oblivion.com)
on May 09, 2003 - 02:27 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.silent-oblivion.com
I know I haven't been around enough to always tell what's going on, but things like this always give me a helping hand (i.e. bitchslap me in the face and yell "pay attention!") in seeing that I'm not the only one with bad spirits on the mind *L* Neeee. Dolo-kun, any suggestions for a EMPSK for ghosts that pop out of mirrors? I have a hell of a time looking into a mirror at night for some damned reason. Even just walking past them if it's dark gives me the heebiejeebies.


Re: EMPSK's
by MystryssRavynDarque (A1MANDI04@AOL.COM)
on May 10, 2003 - 10:55 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
I need one of thse boxes.


Re: EMPSK's
by Anemone on May 12, 2003 - 05:21 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http://
... you have kits?

Kits?!

Man, I remember back when we were sitting around in your old Bonita house and we thought up a whole textbook full of anti-zombie tactics because you lived right across the street from the cemetary (Dolo is goth as fuck).

Remember how we mapped out the whole town so that in case a city-wide disaster occured (ala Resident Evil 2) we would actually know all the escape routes and ammo supplies in the city? Remember the zombie-repellant weapons you designed? The booby traps we set up around the perimeter? Our list of expendable body shields? And who could forget our anti-zombie tank that we developed simply by taking my beat up old 1980 Toyota Tercel (which we alternately referred to as Soul Reaver and the Short Bus) and outfitting it with a flame-thrower turret, an armored frame, a snowplow in the front and industrial strength windshield wipers?

Man, all those years we spent planning... and you just have kits?!

Everyone here may think you're cool and all, but I know what's really going on... you've gone soft.

Well, fine! Be that way! I'll just sit here in my fallout shelter beneath the local church. Alone! But, since you're my buddy, I'll keep my promise and cap you one right between the eyes when you become flesh-eating zombie scum.

Just do me a favor and carry around some cool items that I can snag off your bullet-riddled corpse once I'm done with you.

Kits, indeed. Feh!


Re: EMPSK's
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on May 16, 2003 - 11:25 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.com
Although the EMPKS you currently have definately cover a wide range of possible paranormal situations, I found that your supply was discouraginly lacking in one very important area.

As student of the paranormal you certianly have that covered, but you don't seem to have a pack created for what could be a possibly more realistic life threating situation. Namly, the mutuant create.

Now, you see, you really should have some kind of kit for battling giant, snakes, spiders, ants, and lizards, and I didn't see anything about creature preparadness.

Goodness knows you are ready to combat a werewolf, but what about a creature from the black lagon, a thing, or godzilla. If you have ever seen the classic study in mutation gone wrong THEM! you should know to be prepared for giant killer ants.

Of course, you might also want to be prepared for lesser mutants like Killer Bees, Piranha, Fire Ants, Wasps, Rats, Baboons, and the Birds (ala Hitchcock).

I feel that if you are truly going to be prepared for any contingency that you should have something on hand for these things as well.

I will also add that I noticed that your kits also lacked an Extra Terrestrial Abduction perpardness kit, which I would think should also be handy just in case of any unwanted probing.

Hope that helps.



Re: EMPSK's
by Uranaishi (sweatshirt_senshi@yahoo.com)
on Aug 11, 2003 - 06:11 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.angelfire.com/realm2/sweatshirtsenshi.com
Kit for things Fae: Bit of iron(bent nail is good), steel or iron blade, salt, four leaf clover, self-bored stone. I've also heard that a branch of hawthorn can be useful in despelling things of magic, and a peeled rowan branch that's laid beneath the full moon is a good thing.
You forgot the bell, book, and candle for the ghosties.
Also a big bag of grain to scatter before the vamps.
I wonder how many of the things in your kits would actually be allowed by marketing people, and where exactly they'd be distributed. . .


Re: EMPSK's
by W0rmW00d (allchaka@hotmail.com)
on Feb 10, 2005 - 09:47 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
Those kits rock. Lots. That is such a fantastic idea. I have always been prepared to beleive in the paranormal, should evidence allow, but I had never even considered being prepared to combat this evidence... I think you have mutants covered with the loaded mag. and the six foot pointy aluminium stick surely?
For a UFO preperation kit (by film which is the best indicator we have as yet of UFO abilities) you will want water, in case of Signs, the government in case of ET, Mulder and Scully (rogue from the govt.) in case of grey men, Will Smith in case of MIB, shampoo in case of Evolution, Predator in case of Alien and preperation H in case of probing.


Re: EMPSK's
by Carmine (-)
on Jul 18, 2006 - 06:09 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://
Does anyone else remember a Sotheby's auction, or something similar some years ago, in which a purported vampire killing kit was sold off for a mind-boggling amount? It was acknowledged as some kind of artistic Victorian hoax, although I never did discover who created it. It was quite elegant -- beautiful box like something that would carry fine dueling pistols, silver crucifix, crystal bottle of holy water, a businesslike little hammer and stake, that sort of thing. Recently, I saw something almost identical to it on the Ruby Lane online antiques store with an asking price of about $1,500, if I remember right. It sold quickly. So there is definitely a market for this sort of thing if you can present it cleverly and artistically enough. Good luck!


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