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| Articles: Why Being Poor Sucks |
Posted by
Schizo on Friday, December 06, 2002 - 04:08 AM PST
I'm sure all of you know that it's no fun being poor. I'm sure most of you have felt the pain of an empty wallet. Well, this is something that I've been experiencing lately, and I need to get it out of my system. And what better place to do it than Shmeng? Especially since I've been neglecting all my worried friends here, who have been thinking that I've slipped off the edge of the map.
Actually, I kind of have slipped off the edge of the map. I slithered from the known world of the homeful to the oblivion of the homeless. Yes, I, Schizo, have spent the last 4 months in a homeless shelter. And let me tell you, if you are homeless, you do not exist. Even to your case worker, you lose personhood. Privacy does not exist. You share a tiny apartment with another family, in this case a single mother and her baby son. Every week you are required to abase yourself, and apologize for the fact that your unwelcome presence is still taking up space in their precious shelter. You have to tell them why you haven't declared bankruptcy yet (which was supposed to be up to me, but turned out to be a big battle, where I was made to feel very irresponsible for not instantly calling a lawyer about it.) You have to start an apartment hunt long before you are financially able to rent one, just because your case worker feels that "it's about time". I could go on and on, but take it from me, it's both humiliating and irritating.
And of course, there is the stranger living with you. The lack of privacy. The crowding as three people try to fit all their belongings in one small bedroom. The inconvenience of having no mailing address. The embarrassment of trying to explain to people your living situation. The desperation as Christmas approaches with the dismal possibility of not even being able to have so much as a Christmas tree or a string of pretty lights.
Beyond being in a shelter, being poor means having to choose whether or not to stand up for yourself in the face of a boss who is out of line, or to retain your much needed paycheck which may be the key to having a home of your own. (I chose standing up for myself, which resulted in being fired on Halloween. And being cheated out of 2 hours worth of pay. The man is an asshole.)
Being poor also means having to get another job, one that consists of putting hundreds of tiny balls into ball bearings. It is the most mind-numbing, monotonous work I have ever come across. It requires me to spend eight hours of my valuable time in the company of some of New Hampshire's dullest. It makes it so that I only see my boyfriend on the weekends, since he works 2nd shift and I work 1st. It also requires me to leave my precious 5-month-old daughter, causing her to abandon her usual sunny and laid-back nature, and become clingy and unhappy. Hopefully as time passes, she will adjust, but for now it is tearing me in pieces. This is all part of being poor.
This has been the dismal experience of my last few months since I last was able to participate here at Shmeng.
Luckily, I am able to end this article on a brighter note. As of December 2nd, I have become the proud possessor of an apartment of my own! At the time I am writing this, I am in the process of moving in. Hopefully I will be sleeping in my very own bedroom come the 5th.
Those of you who have never been homeless can never fully realize the sheer joy of having a home again. Those of you who have ever had to worry about where you were going to sleep will be able to participate in the deliriousness of my delight! In spite of all the suckiness I've experienced, I can say right now that life is very good. I think the past few months have deepened me and made me stronger and more aware. I think that, no matter what the future brings, no matter how filthy rich I may become, I will never lose my appreciation for the simple things, the little dignities, the stuff that everyone takes for granted, but which is denied to the homeless. On the whole, I am glad I had this experience.
But it still sucked!
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| Why Being Poor Sucks | Login/Create an account | 8 Comments |
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Re: Why Being Poor Sucks
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on Dec 06, 2002 - 05:09 AM
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Oh Schizo, I am so glad you're doing better! I know what it's like to be homeless, and it is no fun, and it steals what dignity you may posess... I can only imagine what it must be like when you have a child to care for and worry about too... you are a very strong person to have come through it... and in only 4 months, too! There are people who take years to pull themselves out of that... and the social workers and other officials never make it easy, although that's what they're supposed to be doing... Congratulations on your new apartment, and I hope we'll be seeing a lot more of you... we've been needing our Mother Confessor.. Love you girl, and I'm glad you're back.
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Re: Why Being Poor Sucks
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Dec 06, 2002 - 09:42 AM
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I am so glad this story has a happy ending Schizo! I knowwhat it's like to wonder where you are going to sleep when the sky starts to cloud over, but I managed to never be out on the streets for quite as long as you. Major Kudos for keeping it all together and we've missed you! Here's hoping that the new year brings you much more of the happiness you deserve and alot less of the pain you been handed.
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Re: Why Being Poor Sucks
by AloneSoul (AloneSoul@hurting.com)
on Dec 06, 2002 - 02:39 PM
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Being poor really sucks, I know what it’s like, though not in the homeless department. I lived in a small house with my brother, sister and two parents. We struggled to make ends, my mother worked, my father worked two jobs and we lived in a shitty part of town. You couldn’t go outside, if you did, you’d be harassed by some dealers or jumped by some group of guys which probably had too much time on their hands. Our house was empty, some rooms were big but some were very small, I could remember the kitchen and this round table, heh, could barely squeeze into that small box room. The bathrooms, about three feet by four, heh, my bed room, a empty room with a bunk bed, a closet and such, shared it with my older brother...ack barely any chairs or sofas in the place, simple pleasures such as a refrigerator full of food or extra cloths were too expensive for us. Except for Christmas (my parents always saved up money for that day), playing with some GI-Joes in my parents empty room and some guy named Joe who died when I was young, I barely remember anything. Just a big blank and some hazy memories. I remember though, that place was just very empty and very, very cold.
Anyway...My family got out of debt and we moved to a bigger house. Those days weren’t as easy though, we were never by any means rich and heh, we didn’t even get cable tv till I was about 14 or 15. Ack, I remember the days I was kicked out by my angry parents...so that’s the closest thing I could say I’ve experienced to being homeless, for a few minutes, till I went to a friends house and stayed the night. *never wanted to over stay my welcome. Heh*
I’m glad that you’re back on your feet again and I wish you the best of luck. Really, I do. Heh, I know how much it sucks to be poor.
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Hats down to you!
by MorteAscendo (corpsmanwix@aol.com)
on Dec 06, 2002 - 05:11 PM
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You have bigger balls then I. I would have givin up. Kudos! Take care and good luck in future endevours.
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Re: Why Being Poor Sucks
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on Dec 06, 2002 - 07:10 PM
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I've been a derelict once or twice, it isn't cool...Schizo, you belong in some gloriously archaic and unrepentantly huge estate, with lions and peacocks and crap...you deserve to be a pampered and adored creature, a queen-maiden in her own right. It's good to hear your clawing your way back up, things will get better...
But strike me if I'm the only one who believes this...you deserve to be worshipped by the masses, not lost among them.
I'll see what good stuff I can send your way, you're too wonderful to have a hard life, but it doesn't surprise me that your strong enough to take it on.
Keep your chin up and your claws bared, I'm rootin' for ya'
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Re: Why Being Poor Sucks
by IamSquid (undisclosedgettheaddressfrommeepersonally)
on Dec 07, 2002 - 01:57 AM
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I wondered where yoo had gone, Schizo. It's good to hear yor back even if it's just for this post.
Being technicly homeless myself I still have a small cushion of wealth but as my bank account gets smaller I begin to realize how screwed I'm going to be very quickly. I can't say, however, I know yor pain but I do whole-heartedly sympethize. Yoo deserve better as does yor child.
If there's anything I can do to help, contact mee (no kidding, anything. even if I can't afford it I can find a way to get yoo what yoo need, I'm good at stuff like that).
I wish yoo well.
-Squid
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Re: Why Being Poor Sucks
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Dec 07, 2002 - 06:23 AM
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Way to go babe, I"m so proud of you :) It's amazing that in one of the most wealthy and powerful countries in the world that people can literally just slip through the cracks and be stripped of their liberties, their dignity, and their lives. The DSHS system here is a fucking JOKE, staffed by individulas who've seen so many people make a living off of fucking the system that they think everyone who needs it IS. Of all the "minorities" in this country, the homeless and struggling are one of the most trod upon. Most of this anger towards the system that michael and I have been paying for for 5 years of our lives springs from our trip to DSHS to see what we were eligible for...which is squat. Not even medical when he has just come home from the hospital and may need further care. In essence, tho we've been supporting a system that is supposed to BE there for people like us when bad bad shit happens with insane amounts of tax dollars for years, we're "too rich for welfare".
Yet my scum sucking bitch of a sister in law (who is one of the causes of our situation) got a full ride...her rent paid, her utilities pad, her car and any repairs paid, food and clothing vouchers AND a full ride to school to make a new life, when she's ruined someone elses. I'll never think of the system in the same way again...and I"ll always be angry because of it.
We're in a hell of a spot right now too, michael and I, tho nowhere near your situation. I still have my job which pays all the bills but our rent (barely) and we have a savings account which has keeps us afloat...but that won't last forever. I'm fortunate enough to have family that won't let us be homeless or hungry, but even the prospect of having to turn to them is embarassing. It's a frightening thought, to think of where next month's rent is coming from, and when your next dollar is coming in. Our economy is suffering, and jobs are scarce. I'm glad that in the mele of what has become of our economic and social situation, you've managed to cut yourself one small foothold to start climbing again. You have nothing but my full support, and I admire you girl. We're all so proud of you.
Take care darlin, and don't be a stranger (if you can help it!).
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I am so proud of you!
by Arthegarn on Dec 08, 2002 - 11:21 AM
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My dearest Schizo:
I wish there was some way for you to share my joy at hearing from you. I was really worried about you. I have been several months without letting my voice be heard here (someday I’ll tell you all why, though Devin might suspect) but I popped in every week to see if there were any news about yoiu.
There is very little that I can say to you. I just wish I was not oceans apart and I could do something to ease your burden, for I know I can’t take it all from you. All I can say is that I care for you, just as everyone else here does, and that I keep on praying for you and your baby, for your well-being and happiness.
Carry on, girl! What you are doing and achieving is admirable. I wish I had your courage.
Arthegarn
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