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Articles: Fried Witch Fritters |
Posted by
Dolorosa on Tuesday, December 03, 2002 - 04:03 AM PST
I consider myself a friendly person, although a little easily given to violence, I generally don't fly off the handle all that much ( *cough cough, bullshit, cough*). I did find out my pet peeve though, I found it, experienced it, and burned it to the fucking ground.
First off all...I like witches, honest ones ya' know. I think Buddhists are neat, I think Catholics are fascinating, I find Spiritualists and Druidics all to be yummy things with many different flavors to experiance...I respect their ways, and respective roads ('specially since my own weaves through all of 'em in some way shape or form) and I tend to view 'em all as sort of a spiritual all-you-can eat buffet. Boy did I find some rotten apples.
It happened just a coupla' days ago really...I went to a "counterculture bar" in the little town I know live in, Portersville...ya' know, the town with the one horse? Well, I was bored, itchy for some action and alltogether fed-up with the lame ersatz stuff goin' on around me...so I check out the place.
It wasn't so great, limp music that sounded a lil' canned, weird redneck goths, that really did defy any further explanation and a healthy dash of punks, ravers, fetishist and the sort...normally a place I'd feel perfectly comfortable in, 'cept it just didn't sit right.
I had a few drinks, danced with a few girls, made the requisite small talk...and before long, I started attracting attention. Mostly me just being loud and laughing...but a few people approached me, started up a conversation and then I found the maggots.
Like I said, I like witches...these kids said they were witches, so initially I took a liking to 'em, we traded some stories, got to knowin' eachother.
They didn't click right though, apparently they worshipped Ba'al and a thingie named Menno (or however it's spelled) they talked about power, and rituals and magic and stuff. Right around there I just sorta' clicked off my end of the conversation and listened. (And yeah, I remembered Menno being the guy from The Craft).
They started getting a bit more off right around there...one of 'em claimed to be a "Blood Druid" and wore black during his midnight rituals (consisting of sacrificing hamsters, mice, and rats he'd buy at the local pet store). A girl, who was actually kinda' pretty explained that she was possessed by a succubus and had power over men. A poor mixed up kid claimed to be an ancient Wiccan spirit that was born in the dark ages some time ago (Isn't Wiccan a modern adaptation of an old way? I don't think the old girls called themselves Wiccan...). I was starting to get bored, and insulted by these guys, but there was one last kid who was real quiet over in the corner...so I asked him what his deal was. Yup,
"Vampire"
Apparently I had the dubious honor of sitting next to a three hundred year old Vampire lord...of clan "such and such"
I asked him "Really?" he said "yes"
I asked him two more times...he replied affirmitive each time.
I don't like liars...but curiosity was nippin' at my nay-nays so I chatted 'em up a bit and learned some more.
Apparently a few weeks ago they had tried to summon a great spirit by sacrificing a wild animal (they caught it when it was half-alive on the side of a road).
I asked 'em what sort a critter they went and killed...they said it was a Coyote.
I happen to like Coyotes...
I might have been rash, and maybe even an instant narrow-minded witch-hunter right about then, but I figured it was time to go to war and teach these kids a lesson.
I stood up, and told them I was going to show them what I was, in all my glory...if they'd follow me out into the alley in the back.
Morons.
Once I got 'em out there I told them they had all of three seconds to do their absolute damndest to kill me or I was sure as hell going to break them all in half. They just sorta' looked at me incredulously for awhile...which burned up their three seconds.
Vampire boy went down crying, Blood Druid kid was pale and gasping and the Ancient Wiccan Coyote-killer was either unconcious or playing dead. Not much to describe really...I think the Vampire kid tried to bite me, so I punched him in the mouth. The rest of it was just ass-beating.
I don't like hitting girls, so I didn't hit the succubus...but she went off and tried to use her "powers of seduction" on me.
Needless to say, the poor dear really wasn't that enticing, just sort of silly and sad looking, standing there trying to tap into my deeper urges...I've seen better. I told her so...she cried and ran off.
Right about then I just got sorta' sick to my stomach.
I know there has to have been an easier and nicer way to have done that, I could have just walked away...but...shit.
Honesty I prize, Liars I universally loathe...and liars who have convinced themselves, I tend to just pity.
I honestly don't know what I would have done if I had to replay that event...but I am sorta' glad I didn't seriously hurt any of them...just knocked some sense into 'em.
I think people like that are an insult to people who actually practice those beliefs, who treasure those dreams.
Hopefully they learned something...
Hopefully I'm not as much of an ass as I think I may have been....maybe I was just spoilin' for a fight ya' know?
ah, fuck it...
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Fried Witch Fritters | Login/Create an account | 53 Comments |
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Psychopixi on Dec 03, 2002 - 04:41 AM
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*Grinz* I don't normally do the whole violence thing, but that just sounded funny! People like that are really annoying, and some sense needs to be knocked into a heck of a lot more of them.
That having been said, I wish the people at the clubs / pubs I frequent were as sociable as you. It just isn't the 'done thing' to go up and talk to strangers. *Yawn* Boring.
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Malleus Maleficarum
by KatB on Dec 03, 2002 - 05:10 AM
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Hey, you're a regular Torquemada!
I applaud intensly any bashing of idiotic animal torturers, the pathetic wankers got it too easy, if you ask me.
If you ever encounter them again, try to have them burned, will you please...?
I am sure all people with more than two braincells knows that most of the withes out there are decent people, and assholes will be found everywhere.
Oh, and during the worst hype of "The True Norwegian Satanic Black Metal" scene in the 90'es Oslo was crawling with geeks and assholes like the ones you described, I'm soooo glad most of them have grown up by now.
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on Dec 03, 2002 - 10:06 AM
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Well, what they DID get was a little real adventure for their fantasy world. I'd love to hear the stories they told to their friends who weren't there about their encounter with you... I wonder what sort of demon you turned out to be in their twisted little minds?
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Ironboots on Dec 03, 2002 - 11:39 AM
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Like KatB said, those bastard animal torturers deserved what they got, plus more. Nobody should mess with animals... They're BETTER than us, dammit!
And I'm glad you scared their bad personas out of them, at least for the time being. It is so hard being the one sane person in a room and not being able to logically demonstrate your argument...
"The world is flat!"
*smack*
"Ow...."
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Dec 03, 2002 - 12:13 PM
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Being one of the biggest rat lovers in the world, my hat is off to you for kicking the shit out of animal torturers. And for literally knocking some sense into a buch of assholes who are a TAD to old to be playing pretend (in a bar I'm assuming 21 or older *yikes*) and really fucking stupid to follow a complete stranger out of a bar into an alley. They're lucky all they got out with was a sound pummeling by an angry man, and not gutted, fried, and eaten by someone worse.
Yes, and I'm sure your little encounter will fit nicely into their next round of "I'm not roleplaying.....really...I have ADVENTURES WITH THE UNKNOWN AND MYSTERIOUS"
I've knocked out a few plastic fangs in my lifetime too...literally and figuratively. Glad you got it out of your system *lol*
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Ianthe99 on Dec 03, 2002 - 12:37 PM
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Geez.. what doofs.They deserved what they got.. and it couldnt have been dished out by a better guy!
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Closetgothbabe on Dec 03, 2002 - 01:15 PM
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I think they deserved what they got if not worse...fucking sickos! Hell I used to beat these boys up when I was 12 for torturing frogs so I dont see anything wrong with what you did. Maybe its that time of the month to get pissy about things. I have had this real pissy attitude lately and trying to not say anything or even hurt people is hard. Trying to stay in doors or not talk to people cause I am scared I will say or do something mean. Those kids did ask for it though so dont kick yourself about it.
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Leave it to Dolo!
by MorteAscendo (corpsmanwix@aol.com)
on Dec 03, 2002 - 02:31 PM
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Look at me, Im a Vampire!! ooooww...I have fangs and will drink your blood...ooooww....im 2,000 years old...ooooww... *gun cocks* uh oh *blam*
Dolo,
Im comming to California on Sunday, and when i come pick you up, you better take me on your wacky adventures!
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by DarkMistress (shad0wdweller@yahoo.com)
on Dec 03, 2002 - 03:10 PM
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I agree with everyone else. It's really sick to torture and 'sacrifice' animals. I applaud you for kicking their asses, no one wants to be around someone like that, much less a group of them.
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Geist on Dec 03, 2002 - 03:33 PM
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Oh dolo, dolo, dolo..... What are we gonna do with you ? You might wanna watch out messin with a 300 year old vampir lord. They can be pretty nasty. :P Anyway man. You didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done, so nothing but grats to ya here...
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Lainy on Dec 03, 2002 - 04:37 PM
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Ya know people who torture animals always turn out to be crazed serial killers. :) Thanks for doing the public a service. They are a prime example of baby adults. Don't sweat about kicking their asses. It aespecially pisses me off when posers fuck up the facts. People like that are the reason why everyone is biased about anything different. I wonder if I should wear garlic necklaces now. :P
I had to do this twice cause I don't know if it was sent, b-cause my computer froze when I clicked the "ok" button. X-(
"I am only pretending to be a poser!" :P
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Comedian (eccentrically_long@yahoo.com)
on Dec 03, 2002 - 09:35 PM
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Man, coyotes are good animals. I lost a a cat to them, but they're still good animals.
Graceful creatures..
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by callei on Dec 04, 2002 - 08:39 AM
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I think Coyotes are protected animals under California law. That means that you can call the police and tell them that the twits told you that they had killed one and the twits *may* get fined some hard cash.
I just hope they ate some of the meat or blood. The parasite infections are hard to treat, hard to diagnos, and often lead to a painful death.
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfathotmaildotcom)
on Dec 04, 2002 - 12:43 PM
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I think that I'm lucky here in Pittsburgh.
As it has been said by people greater than I, "It's hard to pretend you are a 300 year old vampire when your granddaddy was a coal miner."
Of coarse, when I get to philly, I'm sure I'll have all sorts of fun.
Hey Dolo, wanna collect fangs and see who can score the most? Of coarse, knowing my luck, I'll run into the only 15 year old that actually is a 300 year old vampire.
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by IamSquid (undisclosedgettheaddressfrommeepersonally)
on Dec 04, 2002 - 01:35 PM
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Although I am personally against using violence in these type of scenarios I must say, Dolo, that these people certainly had it coming.
My interests have sterred mee towards many serious occultists as well as towards the kind of idiots yoo describe: A Freemason who belongs to the CoS, "friends" of mine who sacrifeced kittens to a paperback Necronomicon, a million people who see Crowley as a symbol for sexual promisquity and drug addition, a small group of people calling themselves the "children of Loki," and of course the infamous vampire who expained to mee that he was a "creature of the night" because of his raging glass addiction!
I may be on the West Coast in January, if I end-up in Cali, Dolo, PUH-LEASE take mee to this bar!
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Merry_Widow on Dec 06, 2002 - 02:19 AM
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Wow. Who would have thought a blood druid, a succubus, a reicarnated wiccan (I hate that term) and a 300 year old vampire lord would have all taken up residence in Porterville? What cosmic force farted to make THAT one possible. I don't know how anybody can rest easy knowing theres a group of cowardly, animal torturing, undersexed, smut reading, movie worshipping, uber fiends on the loose. Wow. Best to break out the brown pants.
...Idiots.
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Andree on Dec 07, 2002 - 11:01 PM
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I wish I had an intelligent pet peeve like you do. "Hi, I'm Andree. I can't stand it when the American political system acts insipid. Who do they think they are?" No. The only thing I can't stand is loud eating. Slurping. The sound of yogurt and saliva.
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We need Dolo! We need Dolo!
by Arthegarn on Dec 08, 2002 - 01:58 PM
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I am absolutely against any form of violence.
But
Hey, man, when are you going to come down here to old Europe? I have some asses for you to kick, if you would be so nice. Here go some examples from Madrid's Übergothen (I will spare yhe obvious vampire and the the names):
* The man-in-charge of one of the biggest Discos: He actually believes he is the reincarnation of Jack the Ripper.
* His ex-girlfriend: this one is supposed to be a witch (not a good one) AND a succubus (one would think a succubus would have a nicer body...
* The Duke: This guy is over 30, always dresses in lace, carries his own goblet to drink in, used to carry a stiletto-cane (til the cops caught up with him) and tells anyone who wants to hear him (or no) that he is actually an Inmortal and that Connor McLeod the whole "Highlander" stuff are based in actual fact. Allegedly to be a fencing expert, of course.
* The Bishop: This one claims to be the bishop of the Church of Druaga, allegedly yet another shard of the Temple of Set. The guy can't tell Baal from Pazuzeus. He has supposedly cursed me so many times one of these days I'm going to get really annoyed
* The Priest: I have not seen this one for a very long time but I REALLY would like his ass kicked. He used to dress in a clergyman and tried to pass as a sort of RG,ordained and all, but no style whatsoever (there is nothing as shameful as finding anyone puking IN his own clergyman - long story). The guy couldn't even tell how many sacraments there were
* Sukkie (yeah, that's her nick): This one is actually from Barcelona. Another succubus. Uses to have so much acid in her that I am sure her favourite attack after seducing the mortal is dissolving his penis as soon as it comes in contact with any of her bodily fluids.
* Both Cosmopolitan Goths (see the article) and their girlfriends. My. In Spanish, there is no difference between raven and crow, they are both said "cuervo". We were once in a conversation about poetry when one of them approached claiming to have read Poe. I asked him wether he had liked "El Cuervo" and he answered that Brandon Lee was great in that one.
Only Sukkie speaks English, but I volunteer to serve as your simultaneous translator until you really have judged them... And I am sorry but I reserve my favourite freak for myself. The Wandering Jew.
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Domkitten (domkittenish@spanking.com)
on Dec 10, 2002 - 04:41 AM
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I figure there probably was a better way to handle that, however people caught up in their own self denial cannot always be reasoned with.
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Re: Fried Witch Fritters
by Solace_in_Delirium on Mar 11, 2003 - 09:56 AM
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I just read this and...
I had to grab a towel to wipe my tears I was laughing so hard! I just wish there was a handy 2x4 for ya to use. They deserved more than what you gave them!
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