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Mistress Manners: open Invitation
Posted by callei on Wednesday, September 25, 2002 - 04:01 AM PST

This Website
I want to talk about the lurkers here, since I can't talk to them, only at them. What is a lurker?

Someone that reads everything, shows up regularly, and never says anything? I know there are lots of you that are this kind of lurker and many of you will find the need to answer a question, laugh at a typo, or speak passionately about something will get stronger as the days go on. It has happened to 1ots of people and they end up giving in and writing something.

Someone that reads a lot of the stuff, shows up a few times a month, and never says anything? Someday you too will see something that catches you so much that you are just bursting to have your say about it.

Someone that shows up once or twice, reads until his or her eyes bleed, and leaves without saying anything? Thanks for stopping by. Keep surfing, the net is huge (duh) and there is lots more to see out there.

Only you know which kind you are. You are welcome to lurk here, be it for a day or a year. It is flattering to know that there are so many readers out there. I think the web has been the biggest boon to literacy since the printing press. People are reading more, writing more, and debating (badly or well) more and in more places than anytime since the advent of the coffee shop.

What makes someone a lurker?

Feeling that they are too young or old? Spelling skills? Not being Goth enough? Being too Goth? Being too busy? Having nothing to say? Being intimidated? Not being used to online communities?

It may surprise you to know that my parents lurk here. They are in their 50's. They come to read what their kids have written, but always end up reading for a few hours. By the way, Bettie, my mom says you took great wedding pics and she loves that pic of you with your puppy napping. I have received emails from other people in their 50s and 60's that visit here from time to time. I have also gotten email from 10 and 11 year olds.

Most members are between 13 and 48. That is a wide range of ages, huh? Are you younger than 13 or older than 48? Don’t think you are too old or young, because chances are there is someone here older or younger than you.

Are you concerned about looking a fool because you can't spell well, your grammar isn't the best, or you don’t type well? There are at least 5 people here with serious spelling issues, be it dyslexia, lack of schooling, or English as a Second (or third!) language. When I started lurking here, lo these many years ago, I couldn’t type well at all. I had to watch my hands and was lucky to type 30 words a minute, if you counted mistakes as words. There is a page here immortalizing some of my stranger typos and spelling problems. Oh, and I am dyslexic too. If I can do it, you can too.

Although there are many Goths that post here, this is not a "goth site", so it doesn’t matter how goth you are. There is someone whose black is much blacker than yours and someone who will tease you about wearing black at all. It might be something you have in common with some people here or not, like Christianity, pets, age, geographical region, or favorite food. And that is all it is something you MAY have in common with SOME of the people here. We are not homogenous, nor are we after homogeny. Well lots of us aren’t, at least.

Are you too busy to think of replies to the things that you read here? If you can think them, it only takes a few minutes more to write out that thought and hit the post button. Especially to break the ice and get your feet wet. Even "woohoo" will break that lurking barrier and let your colors (or lack of them) start to shine out.

Are you intimidated by the other people here? Why? Because they have the balls to look like idiots in front of you? Because they flaunt their strange ideas and their lack of social/spelling/grammar skills? Because they think they are squid or birds or funny? Come on! This is more like a frat party than an ecclesiastic meeting. Afraid that someone will make fun of your vocabulary? What is the worst that can happen? You might learn some new words and the courage to use them.

If you have never been part of an online community, join the crowd. Many of the people here only belong to this one. For many people this is the first one that they dared join. You aren’t the only virgin here, there are literally 100s of other virgins lurking out there with you. Break away from the herd and join in.

Does it seem "cooler" to you to lurk than to play with others? Guess what? We know that you aren’t joining and we assume that it is fear or shyness that stops you, not coolness. You aren’t showing how cool you are, how above everyone that you are. You are showing up as a 50 year old or a 10 year old that is too shy to even drop a note to the greeters here.



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open Invitation | Login/Create an account | 26 Comments
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Re: open Invitation
by Closetgothbabe on Sep 25, 2002 - 06:26 AM
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I am one of those lurkers that you are talking about, and that is for several reasons that you talked about. I am on and off the computer so much that I dont have time to write. This happens to be my first community and I am starting to get used to it. I love it here and want to start posting more. I have posted once to something that Bettie wrote about, it caught my eye and my attention. This was maybe a beginning to me posting more. My grammer and spelling may not be the best but that doesnt bother me. The way I see it is the more you do something the better you get at it *smiles*


Re: open Invitation
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Sep 25, 2002 - 10:54 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/strangeasangels/
Aw callei, tell your momma thanks :)
I can sort of understand the fear factor involved in getting acquainted with an online "community". I was drug here literally kicking and screaming and it took me a LONG time to get totally comfortable. But kids or sir's and ma'am's, once you start it's hard to stop. If you're afraid of embarassment for whatever reasons, or looking like a fool, take into account some of my insomniac incoherant postings, or my occasional "too drunk to sleep hey I'll go make an ass of myself on the internet" tidbits. Usually this involves copious amounts of rum, cream soda, and pirates.
I always suggest the forums to those too shy to just outright submit a post. Instant gratification, sort of off to the side but still very active, and a good way to get your "foot in the door" and get comfortable with the people here.
This has to be one of the most diverse online communities that I've come across...and it's that way for a reason. From ubers to uh..non ubers, preteens to the well aged, kids and people WITH kids and regular every day people. You can share your coolest moments and your times of deepest shitiness. Your tastes in music. Your ridiculous phobias.
LURKERS COME OUT.
And callei, your mom should become a member...that would be RAD :P


Re: open Invitation
by AloneSoul (AloneSoul@hurting.com)
on Sep 25, 2002 - 01:41 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://
I knew it, I knew it, they are watching me.


Re: open Invitation
by Comedian (eccentrically_long@yahoo.com)
on Sep 25, 2002 - 03:14 PM
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The only difference is you actually reply to stuff instead of just reading it. Either way, you will sit at the home page clicking refrsh every 30 seconds.


Re: open Invitation
by MorteAscendo (corpsmanwix@aol.com)
on Sep 25, 2002 - 03:44 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://
This is my first family...errr "Online" Family...hee hee...and i love it here...i get shit all the time here, and i try and dish it..but it never seems to work...but hey..if you dont have a sense of humor...then you shit outta luck....


Re: open Invitation
by Merry_Widow on Sep 25, 2002 - 10:24 PM
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*lurk, lurk, lurk*


life is ever changing....
by blackest_sunshine on Sep 26, 2002 - 09:51 AM
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i am one of the lurkers of whom you spoke, callei.
it starts as simple observation... trying to understand the unwritten rules of the communtiy. i can not now justify my actions as you have certainly taken most of my excuses away from me, but there is one which is personal to me, that you did not quite mention. when i join an online community and dare to converse with its members, it is in the course of giving my opinion that many people tend to misunderstand the meanings of my words. indeed they entirely take offence to them. i do not intentional attempt to upset others, however it is my way to be cynical and sarcastic even when it is so not intended.
this particular thing is what cuases me to hold my tongue. but at length i do expect to post a few things, though at one point in time i feared that i no longer had anything left to say about life. but life, being the bitch that she is, is ever changing... and takes pleasure in shaking you up and throwing you down just when you think you have finally gotten a grip on her.
well following in her steps, i suppose it is time that i break the bonds of silence that have restraind me for longer than i would have wanted.


Re: open Invitation
by VaPiDzBeAuTy on Sep 26, 2002 - 08:17 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://
I am also a lurker... Ive been lurking for quite a while now... almost a year. It seems that I always have something to say I just can never decide if it is apropriate or not. Now I will try to put my thoughts on the screen... You have given me the gift of an oz. of courage... Now it is up to me to put it to good use... =)


Re: open Invitation
by ThatOneWastedChick on Sep 28, 2002 - 09:56 AM
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Go Callei! You finally got some of them to talk! Yay! By the way, I cant even tell you're dyslexic. You've got talent girl.


Re: open Invitation
by JohnnyWormtown on Sep 28, 2002 - 04:34 PM
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I'm a new lurker. I don't know if that's an excuse. I started reading the stuff here and it took a few stories to figure out that there's a lot of goth here. I'm not goth, but I still enjoy some of the posts, so I'll probably keep on reading what's posted.


Re: open Invitation
by ravinsaend on Oct 02, 2002 - 02:46 AM
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I'm a part time lurker.
I've got wayyyyyyy too much on my mind to deal with to actully put it into any sort of perspective most of the time. Although occasionally it HAS slowed down enough for me to post a couple things. actually if I can get thru catching up with everything in time, I MIGHT post something tonight..if I've time. Haven't been here in nearly a month so I gotta lot to read first:)
Wow..now I'm hyper. You'll probably get soemthing out of me tonight)
May twinkies and ho-ho's(or whatever kinda junk food ya love) shower upon you their many blessings!(whatever those may be hehe)


Re: open Invitation
by dead_cry on Oct 02, 2002 - 10:13 PM
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well i don't speak english so my grammar and spelling are really bad so most of the time i remain cuiet rather than making to much mistakes but i gues i' going to post more often


Re: open Invitation
by almosthappy (almosthappy@uboot.com)
on Oct 06, 2002 - 09:09 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.uboot.com/u/almosthappy
*comes out from underneath her bed* Yes, I am a lurker, although I posted a reply to something today. I'm a fairly new lurker, but reading this post earlier made me want to post a reply to something else, (as well as this) I'm a lurker from the UK are there many people from the UK here? Or not? Am I a lonely lurker? =/ Well, I am a posting virgin no more...post post and post away ~*~ =)


Re: open Invitation
by Solace_in_Delirium on Oct 17, 2002 - 06:40 PM
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woohoo *lol*


Re: open Invitation
by AlteredMind (DarkSideVampireX@AOL.com)
on Jun 25, 2003 - 09:43 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http://
Yeah I lurked for a little while at first , but I just thought this site was too intesting to pass up , so I joined , and have been happy since. I check up on it everyday almost !


Re: open Invitation
by Stille (blackrose@fuckingwicked.com)
on Jan 21, 2004 - 11:59 PM
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I think there's also another type of lurkers. the type that are way dumber than the approved members, yet smart enough to realise it, keep quiet and watch the big boys and girls, hoping that they will be just as smart one day. That's me. Lucid ideas...why, i have none. Most are too vague, still crystalising. Plus my english sucks, and I can barely express something logical in my mother tongue.


Re: open Invitation
by feralucce (Iwouldliketokillyou@gofuckyourself.com)
on Jan 22, 2004 - 01:54 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://feralucce.webhostingpal.com/
I don't lurk... I just don have much to say sometimes... Ahhh... hell... who am I kidding... I ALWAYS have something to say... though, in the interestes of being a kinder gentler Feral, I have been restraining myself...

It was brought to my attention today that one of the people I have become good friends with here... used to think I was scarey... don't be afraid to talk to the "usual suspects." Even though some of us are vicious... you would be surprised at the other side of the coin... honestly...

As for the rules of the community... you;ll never figure em out if you don't ask... or participate...

So sayeth the Sooth sayer...
Feralucce >>>Savage Light<<<


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