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| Articles: My Letter To People Who Suck |
Posted by
hecklnjecklnhyde on Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 04:15 AM PST
Here is a letter I wrote to someone I detest (I'll spare you the gory details.) Anyone with that special someone whom you'd like to show admiration
for, feel free to use it:
"Dear vile, pestilent, thorn in the side of society,
To get right to the point, you are not worthy enough to have my dog hike his leg on you. There are far more tasteful things on which to urinate, like a trash can filled with 2-week-old seafood scraps. If you were drowning in an ocean of raw sewage, I'd take great delight in throwing you an anchor. I would love to spit in your face, but my saliva would surely dodge in any direction to avoid contact with such a physical tradegy. You're a liar, a thief, a bully, & a fraud. Amusingly enough, you are too incompetent & emotionally erratic to pull any of it off. You are morally reprehensible & cerebrally-challanged. Your IQ stands for- "is questionable". A frontal lobotomy in your case, would be an upgrade. You are as inept as an idiot in Idiot Land, on Idiots-get-in-free-day.
The furry, flatulent withered buttocks of a 30-year-old retired farm animal hold INFINITELY more charm than you could ever hope to. Your noxious presence is not nearly as tolerable as finding a half of a worm in an apple. Every time you open that revolting hole in your face, you make a giant jackass of yourself. I mean no disrespect to donkeys, as they are kinder, more intelligent, & no doubt, smell better.
You're that thing in the drain that requires the services of a professional plumber. When you moved to this town, you heartlessly deprived some village of it's idiot. You're the crust that forms around the rims of salsa jars in the refridgerator, only less appetizing. You are nauseating & repugnant in every way imaginable. You are the reason that things like Lysol & antibiotics were invented. My cat thinks of your face when he's in his litterbox.
You are pea-brained, childish, annoying, & completely exempt of integrity. A chemistry experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. A mental midget. A wannabe con artist & an unscrupulous opportunist, with no future as such. You are the poster child for all things distainful, putrid, and sickening, and you REEK of dishonesty. You are the malignant tumor on the ass of life. When I think of you, I vomit, and when I vomit, I think of you.
You are the gristly, cartilaginous hamburger patty dropped on the floor of a fast food restaurant, coated in dirt, dust, & hair, and then served to the unsuspecting public.
I hope your's is a truly unhappy existence, you twisted, pitiful excuse for a human being. May you be cursed with festering boils in the most difficult to reach places. May you suffer from the sudden, uncontrollable symptoms of Tourette's Syndrome, while in the presence of a paranoid schizophrenic with a nervous tick & a hand gun. And may your 1st born grow up to become president of the Lyle & Eric Menendez Fan Club.
Finally, I wish not for your horrible, violent, slow, slow death. Oh no! It is my sincere wish that you live for many, MANY unpleasant years to come, and that you are stricken with explosive incontinence early in your golden years, which, judging by your face, is right around the corner!
You are now officially dismissed from my life, and free to irritate other victims. Scurry off, you sniveling, whining peasant.
(hecklnjecklnhyde)
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| My Letter To People Who Suck | Login/Create an account | 9 Comments |
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Re: My Letter To People Who Suck
by KatB (satanslittlehelper@hell.no)
on Jul 25, 2002 - 05:39 AM
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Wow, that must have been therapeautical :-)
Personally I prefer Monty Python's french insults, short & silly... Putting _that_ much effort in telling someone unworthy off is paying them too big a compliment!
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Re: My Letter To People Who Suck
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on Jul 25, 2002 - 05:56 AM
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Damn...damn, THAT was entertaining, that was clever and even worse,that seemed extremely heartfelt...but fuck, that was fun to read...
Mad props...
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Re: My Letter To People Who Suck
by Psychopixi on Jul 25, 2002 - 09:55 AM
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That was officially one of the funniest and most entertaining things I've ever read. Congratulations, and I hope the person this was directed at suffers every ailment you've so wonderfully prescribed them.
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Re: My Letter To People Who Suck
by sorceress_ly (darknessembraced_andariel@yahoo.com)
on Jul 25, 2002 - 10:32 AM
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that is some funny stuff...remind me to become great friends with you and never to piss you off.
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Re: My Letter To People Who Suck
by MorteAscendo (corpsmanwix@aol.com)
on Jul 26, 2002 - 10:55 AM
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Hee hee KatB....
I woulda just said: GO AWAY OR SHALL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME-A!!!!!!
no bad for a long insult....i dig it
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