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| Multipost: Attack of the Clowns! |
Posted by
callei on Thursday, June 06, 2002 - 04:01 AM PST
Or wait is that clones, or no maybe um…. Now I'm all confused where is my bic. (Trust me you will get the joke as you read on). Once again, I am randomly assigning gender to the authors and I apologize if I get it wrong. It is funnier this way (at least to my sleep befuddled eyes and with memories of scorched hair dancing in my rear view mirror). Once again, I am being very silly and very cruel. You sent these in. now I am sending them back out. Now imagine me as the MC of a graduation ceremony: black robe, funny hat, dangly thingy, and lots of empty paper, er I mean graduation certificates…
*clears throat *
Welcome to the graduation ceremony of the class of 2002. Today we honor the best and brightest (at least in the bathroom) as we drop kick them into the real world. As always happens at these events, we want to share their "special" abilities with you all. These students have been chosen to represent all that is wrong with the youth of today and why so many of you never, ever, ever see your submissions posted as articles.
These are submissions from the graduating class of kindergothen. These bright (giggle) young things are going to be taking on the world and making it a better place for us all. As they go out into the world we can expect to see someone dating someone else, or maybe just setting their head on fire.
Here is the "I'm different and I get shit for it" couple. I vote for them as prom king and queen this year…. I give you sinnboi and sullen witch, both of which have the typo gremlin living in their keyboards and are learning that it isn’t easy being green.
I Got punched
I'm not sure what topic this is I kind of felt it was shmeng. People are ignorant sometimes. A part of me thinks I brought it upon myself by not being like them.
I was on the bus on the 3rd of May and I heard things that weren't all together new to me it's just I get fed up with it. Now I know I'm an outcast in my school so that only helps generate the rumors. On the bus they were saying "what's the deal with the freaky kid in black?" "Oh don't talk to him man he'll put a curse on you." So they all laugh and they say stuff like "If he come over here man I'll bust his dome!" After a while they keep on plotting about how they'd beat me then I heard some fascist and/or racist stuff
"What does he want to be white he's black man he need to act like it." "These f-ing goths showin every where man we need to do somethin about it!" So one of them says "watch this man." He comes over to me and acts like the bus jerks. He says "oops!" and throws his elbow in my face making me bleed from the nose. While they laugh I take my chance and nail him with a boot to the groin. Before I knew it his two friends drag me off the bus and pound me. These things wouldn't happen if I was like them. I guess they hate what they can't understand. What makes me angry is how no one helped. A guy with a pit bull walked right by the bus driver did nothing. Hey I'm not asking for sympathy just ways to get them back. Just joking well bye by the way I'm sinnboi
If this happened to you for real, then call the cops and get pictures taken of the bruises and cuts. Then sue the jerks for all their parents are worth. Also please, please remember that jocks only beat on others when they can't find other jocks to abuse.
You aren’t special, you were just available…
And if you were lying, then thank you for belittling an experience that so many of us have actually had. Thank you for making our pain and suffering, our scars and gimpy legs, the object of your pathetic come-ons.
Maybe some day I'll see you on the bus….
Mind the typos in this one; they are plentiful and perhaps dialectical. We couldn’t tell the difference between the bad grammar and the attempts at "natural speech" ourselves, but maybe you, the readers, can. Let us know.
Bias Teachers
First of all merry meet.I'm just seeing if anyone else has the same problem that me and some of my friends have at school.My english teacher has a tendency to favour other people in our class over us.I know this would happen everywhere but we are somewhat "discriminated" against because we dont look or act or speak or think like the rest of the lemmings and so called "quality" people in our class and not just because our work is not up to standard or something (which i can proudly say that the two of my friends are the top two of our class,cant say the same for me unfortunatly).The three of us dont have the pink bags,or the right lip gloss,or go to the beach every weekend like we're sposed to,living on the coast and all,(and i know damn well i'm being hypocritical by labelling them a certain way aswell but an eye for an eye i say)and because of this we are considered "freak shows" or "goths" or "witches" (which i dont mind because i consider myself a wiccan and so does another of one us three,who also happens to be a fellow member who shall remain nameless *cough cough Tabitha cough cough*but these people see being a witch or wiccan as degrading or weird,but they dont even understand it or even the concept) by our fellow class"mates" and i use the term MATES very loosely.Being social outcasts by our peers should not warrant being exiled by our own teacher.He has no time to listen to our point of view on things and disregards any comment or suggestion we make.I believe we are the only people in the class with anything mildly intelligent to say and we are ignored or brushed off.Now i dont know whether our teacher has a personal disliking for us being the people that we are and the way we think and our views on religion (we were doing Macbeth at one stage and we had a fucken field day,u know...the three witches...and being the three freak show/witches that we are just started a whole lot of shit) or if its just because of the way we dress or the colour of our hair or because we are different from everyone else or whatever else it could be,but i do know that it is wrong for a person that possesses some form of authority over impressionable minds to be so blatently ignorant and bias towards the people he is responsible for "teaching".Please give me your views on the subject because i would really like to hear your opinions.Blessed Be.
SuLLeN_WiTcH
Darlin' label away: that is how you learn to define you from those around you and learn who you are. Others are the mirror in which you learn to see yourself, or something like that.
That which does not kill you makes you thinner, or smarter, or gives you more chocolate.
Um most of us are out of Junior High School. And we all passed English the first time. So most of us don't have the problem of our teachers being mean to us for not doing our work, disrupting class, and whining about it. Learn appropriate spacing. It makes it easier for others to read and might let your submissions get published.
Your teacher is paid to correct your grammar, I'm not.
Let me introduce Mr. and Ms. Victim! These two feel that they have no control over their brains, bodies, or actions. It's not their fault that they didn’t read the syllabus or respond to another's kiss. It's not their fault that they put off action until the point that others chose to act.
This one reminded us of the kids that, well lets just say they didn’t make it into the Who's Who of High School Graduates.
End of high school
This isnt exactly what I expected the final days of high school to be like:
I have approximately 8 days of high school left and approximately 10 handfuls of unfinished crap to do for various classes. Of that there is:
Various required reading for physics
3 Photography assignments I have yet to turn in, 1 of which is almost done, 1 of which was on a digital camera and the prints won't come back until saturday, and 1 of which I have no clue how to do. The main problem here is that my teacher specifically implied that assignments, no matter how late, would not be counted as more than a day late, then turned around and changed that rule.
3 assignments for German that have not even been started, mainly because the entire class knows that our teacher doesnt count anything late (and he actually means it unlike the rest of my teachers)
2 math assignments which are required to be turned in and corrected in order to avoid an incomplete. To date I have not finished a single math assignment all year.
I recently finished a Macbeth project which I had been told would not be counted late, so I didnt do it for about two weeks and she counted it late. Apparently teachers don't feel the need to say that anything that comes out of their mouth will be inaccurate after X amount of time, and I have a Macbeth character essay still to do which is also quite late, and I must finish reading 12 chapter book. I am on chapter 4. I am an extremely slow reader. I had a presentation on chapter 2 today and didnt know what the hell to say, but neither did the other two people who went today. I also had to hand in a study guide which I didnt get finished (I spent most of 9th period asking a friend what the answers were).
Thats just over the past week or so, heres what happened today:
I had a quiz in physics which I had to come back to finish because basically as far as I know it was never explained what order things should be done in, only what can be done. My presentation and study guide in literature were crappy as mentioned above. I went to a session of d&d as I do every wednesday to have the DM's puppy piss on my trenchcoat, then came home to find my parents with a note from my photography teacher detailing my curent lack of any turned in assignments, then went and found out that the digital pictures I had dropped off for photography won't be in until saturday instead of being in tomorow, then came back and called work to tell them not to schedule me all next week so I could get some shit done and found out they already made the schedule, then had to listen to my parents bitch at me for somewhere between half an hour to an hour while I could have been actually doing some of my unfinished whatnot.
This has not been one of my better days.
Alugarde
Well it sucks to be that lazy in your senior year huh? Guess you get to try it again next year! Have you already been accepted into college? You do realize that your final transcript is sent to your school, and often your final acceptance depends on those grades.
At least tell me you were getting laid all year. That is a good reason to forget your homework!
We aren’t sure what this is supposed to tell us other than this person thinks that other people are hard to understand when they do strange things like let bus schedules decide their fate. I think she wants sympathy for not getting laid, but then I think that is what most people want.
Let me shamelessly plug the ideas in here and get over it.
The Confusion of Good byes and unexpected moments
I had to say Good bye sooner or later so why do I feel so bad. I knew this was coming so why am I shocked? Why am I sitting here thinking things over? Going through todays events over and over in my mind. Well maybe its the fact that something I thought wouldn't happen happened. I know I should just let it go. Ignore everyone and everything and just walk away but for some reason I can't. I ask everyone what they think and still I sit in the same place.
I shared a very intimate moment with a friend of mine who is also my ex. I don't know why it happened or how it came about. It is all just a blur now. It was an emotionally and hormone induced moment that I regret now. I have a boyfriend I cherish beyond anything. Words can't even explain how much I care. Me and my friend kissed. I was crying. He was crying. I said how I didn't want this to be Good bye. He said he wouldn't let it be and I cried into his shoulder and couldn't stop. I looked up my lips brushed his cheek and then he kissed me. I don't know why I didn't push him away. I just stood there letting it happen. The thing is I admitted to how I never really stopped caring and how he didn't either. He told me how he pushed me away so good bye wouldn't be so painful. He said half of him wanted to stop so it would be easy to let go but the other half didn't. We held hands and I walked with him. We kissed and held each other more. He then invited me over to his house. We were outside a friends house during this whole thing. I thought about it but then fate didn't let me decide. I missed the bus and the other bus was late so I just went home and I called him. He played it off like nothing happened. I asked him what that moment was and he said it was just what it was. What the hell does that mean? I don't know if he cares or not. He has always been a 2 sided person. Never truly acting one way or another. I don't know what to believe. Does he care or not? Is it this male thing that he can't show me how he feels. I'm so confused. Should I just let this be good bye or should I try and find out the truth? Help me please
ConfusedFairy
Now these two are the most special of the lot. These are the valedictorians.
And here is Mr. Almost tragic and almost understandable! Our new Favorite for the Journalism award!
Dramatis personae
James -- a bassplayer dating (we think) Kristen
Kristen -- a keyboard player dating (we think) James
Zander -- a person in the band and our hero
Suzi -- some other girl
This is a story of a love pentagon (or maybe more sides, we can't tell) and the story of one girl wandering away from a party in some town somewhere (probably in America, but we aren’t sure)
An almost tragic tale
It is strange to see a day unfold before your eyes.
From a newborn morning I sat at the window recalling the events of yesterday...
It was near sunset and I was relaxing at the gaduation party thrown for two of my best friends and band-members.
The hall we rented was barely big enough for the amount of people invited so some of us went out-side.
Our bass player james is dating the keyboard player Kristen?and he was one of the graduates,
well one of his other female friends (we'll call her Suzi) found out about it that night and she may have gotten a little jealous.
We played a great show for everyone and we all got a lot of compliments that night.
I proceed in loading my gear so I could get the hell out of there (I didn't want to miss the after party to tha after graduation party).
Later on at the "after after party" we discussed phillosophies and theories and other words that end in (es) .
I seemed to be at the bum end of all conversation that night.
I was interupted nearly every time I spoke and those who were kind enough not to interupt me flat out ignored me.
all of my emotions had begun to dissolve in order to make way for the uprising anger which would be mirrored in the jealousy of another individual.
Luckily for me I talked to Kristen maybe James' chick that night and the more we talked the more I realized that I wanted her company and presence to my dying day.
unfortunately kristen had no intention of staying in this wretched town.
Five minutes had passed since Kristen left and I see Suzi (here she goes!) wandering off down the block.
The only thing I could think of doing was running after her.
I cried out to her "where are you going?" and she answered back "I am going for a quick walk. I'll be right back, stay here."
So I run to grab james (our bass player) and we run after Suzi down the street.
I wasn't prepared to let her walk around by herself on this side of town, not at 3 am.
James and I continue down the block after her when she seemingly vanishes.
James and I were back at the house sitting on the front porch.
Gazing, like the lifeless corpses we are, we waited until 5 a.m.
never taking our eyes away from the direction in which she left.
How could I sleep when I had only half of a soul.
If Suzi had met with death that night than I would have been the last person she had spoken to.
Later the next morning I had recieved word from her mother that she was safe.
I slept a little then visited another friends graduation party and now I am at home typing to you I just tried to get a hold of Suzi but she wasn't there.
I am so confused on what I should do, my feelings are telling me to help this young woman yet my friends tell me that she does this crap a lot and I shouldn't continue associating with her.
Zander
Zander, we are so confused about who is dating who, and which one it is that " I wanted her company and presence to my dying day" about that we humbly request a diagram of which people are sleeping with which other people and who is being jealous, hurt or bored (ok we KNOW the answer to who is bored) by this sleeping and what the hell you mean.
I haven’t seen a soap opera like this since I had the killer Martian flu when I was 10.
This one is my favorite. The star of the festivities and your worst nightmare! Let me introduce the one person that made me laugh until i was sick and brought back memories of Auquanet tm
Is somthing burin?
I got up this morning with a strange wantting to play with fire. So I grabed the lighter and a bunch of candles, matches and sticks.
I walked to my bathroom and put the candles on the counter. I lit the big one first, and I bent down to pick up my chains. Now I am light headed most of the time, and I bent over the flame. My purple locks, burst to flame. now I didnt notice till I got up and looked in the mirror. I just stood there and watched my hair burn. Now the effect is wicked, but the smell. It could kill you. Lol, my mom runs down the stairs hollering"WTF IS ON FIRE????" my mom had called the fire fighter.... thingy mabbopers and its kinda embaressing having all thoses ppl goin about you with your hair burned to cinders.:P so dont bend to close to the candle if its lit.
Embers
And the petty award goes to someone that calls themselves vapid, but wants everyone to love her brain. She calls herself beauty and wants people to ignore her looks.
Why do only females find me attractive???
Im pretty sure that no one here knows me but you soon will... I often find myself wondering why I only seem to get hit on by females. Dont get me wrong, girls are great, its just that when a male hits on me he tends to be an over-weight drug dealer who wants my body for a while. I am a attractive young woman(who does not do drugs by the way) so why cant healthy men with legal jobs like me for me? Do only females appreciate my personality and less importantly my looks??
VaPiDzBeAuTy
We think there are some deeper issues at work here. Put down the ELLE magazine, stop listening to the radio, and read some real books. You may find that this helps you attract the sort of people that can read.
And so, as we close this pageant of pathetic-ness , I want to say…
Learn to read, learn to write and then try again. Not all manuscripts are bought the first time you send them out, not all auditions get you a call back, not all dates work out.
And you, our treasured graduates, our dear victims, our dear pyros, as you go out into the world, remember: you don’t know me, and I never post bail for others.
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| Attack of the Clowns! | Login/Create an account | 19 Comments |
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Re: Attack of the Clowns!
by Schizo on Jun 06, 2002 - 04:42 AM
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Callei, you are WICKED!!!! I had almost forgotten how wicked you are! Thanks for the reminder!
Yes, the head on fire one was precious! Can you imagine being that mom, running in and seeing her precious, innocent child calmly watching their own hair burn? Saints preserve me from such a fate!
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Re: Attack of the Clowns!
by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolf@hotmail.com)
on Jun 06, 2002 - 06:46 AM
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http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com
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This reminds me of the new "Who Wants to be a Pop Star" show that they are showing on Fox(I think), they show some guy who can't sing pouring his heart into a song, then the guy says, "That was horrible, I've never heard anything worse". You ever think about becoming a talent scout Callie? Sure you'd probably never actually sign anybody, but you could film all the interviews/auditions and sell them for a profit.
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Re: Attack of the Clowns!
by DevilBunny (land_of_nod@poczta.onet.pl)
on Jun 06, 2002 - 01:19 PM
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Great Gwad, callei, I would not want to get on your bad side...
Seems like most of these people don't know how to write, let alone using a keyboard. Secondly, very cute problems that probably would be very easy to solve if one knew how to use one's brain. Thirdly, I doubt that any one of these people read their submissions twice before posting.
But the hair-burner is quite entertaining and that girl whose got a relationship problem, now there's something to think on....
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Re: Attack of the Clowns!
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Jun 07, 2002 - 12:07 AM
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Oh my LORDS c you are positively CRUEL..and I mean that the nicest way possible, of course.
Oh my lords...goodness..loss for words...On occasion I am pleasantly reminded in a napalm ballet sort of way why I positively LOOOOOVE you.
Yes, a LOT of these problems are a direct cause of apathy, uber trendy self loathing, and pacifism...
EASILY fixed...
okay kids, so everyone hates you. HELLO! Anyone home!? Have you ever considered your attitude? When you sulk about with the premise of of being "feaky" or nobody understanding you, then no, they won't. When you sneer at people, the "normals", *scoff* and wonder why people don't like you, do you ever have the urge to flip a few seconds back in time and answer your own question?
When someone sees a snarling angry dog coming towards them, they cross the street...they don't stop ask the dog if it's just expressing it's creativity.
EVERYONE gets picked on...everyone, that is, who presents themselves as a nice ripe victim. Belly up kids, predators LOOOOVE that. Show your pain. It's like blood in the water...and everyone knows why you don't swim on your period.
Sharks like to floss.....
there's a lesson here. Somewhere.
Being a victim is cool, you know, TRES COOLIO...
I got stupid questions, stupid looks, the whole 9 and thensome. But you know what? So I made a joke out of it, got asked if I was a vampire because of that retarded vampire cult on america's most wanted (yes, that long ago) and right now there is an ex hs jock wandering around who was set right about me because of bunnicula...yes, that's right. Long story. Amazing what logic can do...
Just because a teacher doesn't like what you have to say, doesn't mean you're too smart for them or because they're prejudiced against your look or your religion. Hate to burst your little black bubble darlin, but chances are they don't care one piddly ounce what you do other than paying attention and doing your work.
But with all the BS aside kids, I must raise and give all of you props for typing school correctly. Seeing "skool" in any discussion makes me want to stick a fork in my eye and set MY head on fire..
Now to play devil's advocate *mwahahahha*:
Okay, so you're depressed for some reason.
GO TO A GODDAMNED DOCTOR!
Okay, so you've exhausted your school's administration seeking help to keep from getting your skinny or large ass kicked...GO FURTHER. INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS....they might LIKE hearing something from you once and a while other than slipknot blasting behind a bedroom door occasionally punctuated by unprovoked screams of "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!!"
I know that school is a large part of your lives, as it is 8hrs a day, 5 days a week, for three quarters of every year for 12 years. When bad things happen in that part of your life it's huge..so my suggestion is do something OTHER than cry about it. Qwitcherbitchin and be big boys and girls. Don't try, just DO. Get good grades. DO YOUR WORK ON TIME REGARDLESS OF EXTENDED PERIODS GIVEN OR NOT. Stop hanging out with drama queens and DON'T be one. Stop telling others to think for themselves and do it yourself. Say hello to your parents. They like that.
And if not for your parents, do it for poor callie...can't you see she's lost her mind? Shade's gonna have to put her in a home for the mentally bombarded...
Moreover stop taking yourself so seriously. Once you can laugh at yourself, the rest of them lose the sport and find readier targets.
C, with this you may have inspired art...sculpture...a little goth statue of liberty, and on her mighty plaque shall read...ahem...
"bring us your weak, bring us your poor, bring us your awful poetry and poorly done eyeliner, 'cause everyone hates us too"
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One from the mushy headed guy.
by Dolorosa on Jun 07, 2002 - 07:05 PM
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HELL YEAH! go callei, go callei...it's your birthday, happy birthday ::does the cabbage patch::
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Re: Attack of the Clowns!
by Sticupus (sticupus@hotmail.com)
on Jun 08, 2002 - 10:22 PM
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Ruthless I must say, very enjoyable. (This just reinforces why I am frightened of you Callei.) Some should be beaten into submission to force the unfortunate souls to write well, especially if they intend to post here. So I support you actions here, however... keep in mind that only 4% of those who are a member of this site post here, (that figure being from what Devin said about 20 people posting out of 450 members), and I do not think this alone is sufficient enough to instigate more/better postings. I see you are getting lots of bad submissions by angsty teenagers, but the age majority of this site 15-17 (from the polls). So to help the mentally crippled portion of the Shmeng community I propose more propaganda, even of this sort. It is fun to make the gothy children sulk and pout, as we all enjoy, but I do not think this is enough to solve all bad submission problems. All I can recommend at the moment is more Communist China style public executions like this one. :D
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