|
|
Currently no members online:)
You are an anonymous user. You can register for free by clicking here |
We have 9 guests online !
|
|
|
 |
 |
| Articles: A Farewell and a Final Rant |
Posted by
Schizo on Thursday, October 25, 2001 - 11:06 AM PST
I'm afraid I will no longer be able to visit Shmeng. My computer, which is rented, will be going back from whence it came. My boyfriend, whose responsibility it is to pay for it, hasn't for the past few weeks. The only reason we haven't been hauled off to debtor's prison is that we just moved, and the rental company doesn't have our new address or phone number.
Now for the rant.
Happy Birthday to me. Don't you just love it when lying, cheating bastards almost ruin what is supposed to be YOUR day?
Yesterday was my birthday. My boyfriend (or whatever he is now) knew this. I saw him in the morning. He ignored me. Just before I went to work, I discovered a couple of letters from his ex, calling me a headcase and psycho, and wondering how old I'm going to be, 20? Note: she JUST turned 21. I turned 25. She knows this.
I went to work, waitressing. Luckily, I love my job, and the people there. After my shift was over, one of the cooks treated me to a Margarita, and the owner gave me a dessert on the house. Yum. I even had a candle to blow out.
I got home shortly after 3. My boyfriend gets out of work at 3. I had asked him earlier if he would spend my birthday with me, instead of spending all day with his ex like usual. He agreed. But he didn't end up showing up until almost dark, bringing his ex and kids with him. At this point I didn't care. I had carved a spider on a pumpkin, and I had it lit, and I got to talk to my Mom on the phone, and it actually went well, and I was about to build a bonfire in our firepit. I wasn't even going to be in the house, so who cares if she was there or not? I'm just mad that he was that rude, to bring my worst enemy to my house on my birthday.
Anyway, I had my bonfire, and it was incredibly beautiful. Eventually, his little 3 year old daughter came out and watched the fire with me. She is the only one of the family that I like without any reservations. She is my boyfriend with all the bullshit taken out.
Well, eventually, the ex had to come out and join the party, and my boyfriend came out and complained about how I was using up all the firewood. Tough. I'm worth a little firewood.
Well, they left, and just as the fire started to burn down, the boyfriend came back. He paused by the fire to complain about his day, then went in, saying his back hurt too much to sit out and watch the fire with me. It didn't hurt too much to go on the computer and sit around in chatrooms without even saying anything in them.
Finally, I came in again. I had to remind him to say happy birthday. What a sweetie.
I guess the relationship is over. He claims there wasn't any. He says he was insane to start anything with me back last year. He says when he moved in with me this summer, he never told me he loved me. That's a lie. He told me over and over. He even wrote it to me. But the letters disappeared when he moved my stuff to our new house, so I can't prove it.
He says he's sick of my jealousy. I'm not jealous. If he's stupid enough to go back to the girl who cheated on him and lied to him and abused him over and over, just because she's being all sweet again, then I don't want him. I just get lonely sitting alone in my house all day while he's out with her, and when she comes here, I hate it because she treats me like crap. But I told him very clearly and repeatedly that he's free to do whatever he wants about her. And I acted on my words and let him go.
He says I owe him money. He's been paying the rent for a few months. He says he's already paid off the $1500 he owes me. The rent was supposed to pay that debt. Well, I made him admit that, not only do I NOT owe him $500, he owes me $400 still! But even if I were costing him a little money, I'm actively looking for a job that will make me self-sufficient. Unlike some other girl, who's been living off of him for 5 years, and has never held a full time job in her life, and still expects him to pay for her rent and phone bills and buy her new sneakers and birthday presents.
He took my electric guitar and lent it to his ex without even telling me. He says I gave it to him. I only said I would give it to him for his birthday (which is in Nov.) if he learned to play it. He didn't learn to play it. I asked him where it was. He told me. I got angry. He said it was just gathering dust anyway. So? It was mine, and I can let it gather dust if I want! He tried to turn the tables on me and accused me of taking some stupid paperback books of his. They were right where they belonged. But he insists that they weren't there when he looked for them earlier. Whatever. If I look at them, I put them back.
He is just being a little asshole, and I am sick of him. I thought there was something in him, that he was really trying to make a better life for himself. It was foolish of me, but I wanted to give him a chance. I think everyone deserves a chance. But this is ridiculous. As long as he pays next month's rent, I don't care how soon he goes. In fact, the sooner the better. He'll go back to his ex, and I would be surprized if they make it 6 months before it all crumbles again.
I deserve better than this. I deserve honesty and loyalty and generosity, because these are all things that I give without question. And no matter how much this pair bash me and berate me and make me the bad guy, nothing could be further from the truth. I have treated them both with more kindness and maturity than either of them deserve.
They can't touch me anymore. They are as insubstantial as smoke. They hardly even exist anymore. While I am growing stronger and happier and wiser as the days go by.
I pity them.
|
| |
| |
|
|
This article has not been rated
|
|
|
|
|
|
| A Farewell and a Final Rant | Login/Create an account | 7 Comments |
|
| | Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Let's say See you later
by Arthegarn on Oct 26, 2001 - 10:35 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
I know the "You'll be better off without him" stuff is not going to help, but I'll say it anyway. You'll be better off without him. I know I hardly know you, but I wish there was something I could do for you besides praying, which at least you will appreciate for what it's worth.
He is a jerk. Let him go with her, if that is what he wants. I just pity him because she does not seem the kind of woman with which it is possible to found a family, and neither does him, by the way. And specially because he doesn't realize he will not find again what he leves behind.
Telling you that he never loved you was small.Telling you that he never loved you when he really did is pathetic. Telling you that you should have seen it coming because he never told you that he loved yo when in fact he did is one of the most hurting and unfair things that there are to be said. Not only did he abuse your trust and kindness, he now calls you an idiot for it.
Why are interpersonal relationships so complicated? They never adjust to the Book of Love. In theory you are supposed to be patient and understanding, to respect the other's personality and induviduality, to give him room to breath, and to forgive hos mistakes. In the real world, if you do so, they think you don't love them enough, they don't feel needed nor cherished. The more freedom you give them, the worse they will use it.
I guess some people like you, Schizo, or me, have just two options: either give up faith and consider that you will never find someone who is able to live up to what s/he says s/he wants and treat everyone like children and keep them controlled and under a short leash, or keep on going from heartbreak to heartbreak with hopes of finally finding someone who deserves us.
I understand what you say when you say you don't deserve this. Job helps me, Both Jobs, proffesional activity and the book, so it might help you.
Best of lucks, and get him off your head and heart as soon as you can. He is not worth it, he does not deserve it, and trying to mend a broken glass will never result in the masterpiece YOU deserve.
Requescat in Pace
Arthegarn
|
Re: A Farewell and a Final Rant
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Oct 27, 2001 - 08:28 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://bettie_x.tripod.com/strangeasangels/
|
I think what it CALLS for is a good, hard, steel toed kick in the goddamned BALLS, if you ask me....
I'd have you send me something of his so I can put a big fat hail satan double whammy on the jerkoff, but he seems to be able to screw his life up well enough on his own...and yours too.
The only way I would consider my fiance having an ex like HER over on my birthday was if he was kind enough to staple her head on my bedroom door.
Let them rot together. Find some dirt and let everyone know. Don't go out with a wimper, make them go out with a shreik.
you could always strip...that can make a girl self-sufficient...
use a public computer and visit us sometime.
Don't be a stranger.
|
|
|
