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Mistress Manners: the rules |
Posted by
callei on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 07:08 AM PST
This is a three part list of dating rules. They work. No really. I thought we needed something fun to take our minds off the cold, bitter days of last minute Christmas mall shopping.
More tomorrow!
1. Always check their references
2. Always consider it when someone compliments your boots
3. Always date people that you want to see naked
4. Always introduce them to your friends before you lend them money
5. Always make sure they don’t have a phobia about your favorite kink BEFORE you go to bed with them
6. Demand to see their birth control/disease control methods.
7. Everyone has half as much balls as they would like you to believe
8. Everyone is at least twice as nuts as they'll show you before you move in together
9. Never assume its dyslexia when it could be stupidity and laziness
10. Never date a man who refuses to admit he is going bald or a woman that refuses to admit she dies her hair
11. Never date a person who agrees with you about everything
12. Never date a person who assumes you will call them
13. Never date a person who cannot name more than three kinds of sex
14. Never date a person who cannot name one good thing about their exes
15. Never date a person who cannot name three things that they want
16. Never date a person who cannot recall at least one funny story involving a group of friends
17. Never date a person who cannot remember the last time they went to a dentist
18. Never date a person who cannot see the merits of a game of Twister
19. Never date a person who covers their mouth when they talk
20. Never date a person who does not go grocery shopping.
21. Never date a person who does not have a favorite junk food.
22. Never date a person who gives you the same gift twice in a row
23. Never date a person who is afraid to change in front of you
24. Never date a person who won't tell you their hobbies
25. Never date a woman that is on a diet on the first date
26. Never date anyone that calls more than 3 times a day “just to say hi”.
27. Never date anyone that cant laugh about their car
28. Never date anyone that cant pronounce the kinds of sex they want
29. Never date anyone that cant read the menu
30. Never date anyone that hates your pets
31. Never date anyone that is afraid of sushi
32. Never date anyone that looking or acts like one of your teachers or parents (unless that is your kink)
33. Never date anyone that loves Memorial Day because they get to eat hot dogs.
34. Never date anyone that makes fun of your political or religious beliefs before you tell them what they are.
35. Never date anyone that names their own genitals after comic heroes or third world nations
36. Never date anyone that refuses to snuggle when its warm out
37. Never date anyone that says "you are ignoring me!" more than once a week
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Average Rating : 5.0
Total ratings : 2
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the rules | Login/Create an account | 2 Comments |
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Re: the rules
by Devin (devin-at-vibechild-dot-com)
on Dec 13, 2004 - 04:16 PM
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http://devin.vibechild.com/
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7. Everyone has half as much balls as they would like you to believe
Once upon a time I had to work with this really arrogant singer guy. I couldn't avoid him, or tell him off with my boss looming. The guy was driving me nuts and he was doing it on purpose. My girlfriend at the time knew it, and when she was younger and drunker, she had accidentally slept with the guy.
He wouldn't chill when I told him to, so my girlfriend went up to him when all his bandmates were right there, and looked him in the eye and said really slowly, "So Eric.... How's it hanging?"
He turned white. He was nice for the rest of the show. When I got home I had to ask.
Apparently the guy only has one testicle, and he has a complex about it. He's trying to compensate, and doesn't want anyone to know.
I'm glad I know how to pick who to date.
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Re: the rules
by Kahlir (-)
on Dec 15, 2004 - 09:50 PM
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Callei dead on. This could have been useful to me along time ago but such is life everything is hindsight.
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