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Articles: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse |
Posted by
teddiliza on Sunday, January 11, 2004 - 04:54 AM PST
Somebody told me a joke the other day,
"A body was found in an alleyway and the police were sent to investigate. There was no I.D. no witnesses, no hope for finding out the victims name. Perplexed, the police were flabbergasted when the coroner arrived and pronounce the profession of the victim. "That's easy," the coroner laughed. Think about it. Iron stomache, Her bladder is full and 3x the normal size, her hands are red and chapped, clean fingernails, there's varicose veins on her legs, burn holes and blisters on her feet, and her butt's been chewed on all day." The chief policeman smacked himself on his forehead with the heel of his palm and replied with chagrin, "You're damn right, she's a nurse".
Let me explain why these clues were significant in solving the victim's identity:
Iron stomach: Blood and body fluids, need I say more?
Full bladder:
Over the course of a few years the nurse, who rarely has time to even take a leak, has learned that it is more important to help your patients to the bathroom before yourself. Not because of a desire to be selfless and self-abused, necessarily, but because if you don't prioritize the needs of others, you will be considered a bitch, and will end up changing a wet bed. It must be included that night shift nurses are highly coffee dependent, and coffee, of course, has the unfortunate side effect of creating a full bladder due to it's diuretic properties. Professionals in the field have recommended that all nurses should have indwelling urinary catheters placed to avoid bladder discomfort, however, one must note you'd still have to take time to empty the bag, and patients report that catheters make promenading sincerely unjoyful.
Chapped hands and clean fingernails:
From washing your hands approximately every 10 minutes during your 8 hour shift (approximately 48x) and the avoidance of hand lotion which just feels nastily slimy under rubber gloves while you sweat from exertion. Or sweat as you try to start an IV or draw blood in front of a crowd of 10 or so friends and family members watching you torture a loved one with a small needle. (That in itself is a motive for murder)
Blisters, burn holes, varicose veins:
High patient loads were designed and insured to guarantee that a nurse will be on their feet (a.k.a. work standing up) for 8-12 hours at a time. Only smoking nurses are allowed breaks, and the rest of us hope we have the time to drink a slimfast for our dinner, as we sit down for a full 5 minutes of our 8 hour shift, fearing that our sore backs and arthritic knees with affix us to the chair if we dally any longer. The rule in the hospital is "Don't walk, RUN!"- leading to burnt feet and blisters DR SO AND SO IS HERE! STOP THE BEEPING! I'M BLEEDING/CAN'T BREATHE! GET ME TO THE BATHROOM HURRY! PHONE CALL! PATIENT IS VOMITING (family members assume you are better at holding an emesis bucket than they are- what we really need to know is "Nurse, the patient is nauseated, could you by chance obtain an antiemetic so that we may avoid an incident" (hoping the doctor was nice enough to order one). Most hospitals use tile floors because it is easier to clean, doesn't burn as easily, and furniture rolls better. Unfortunately, this adds to the varicose vein problem. If you think pantyhose were invented for torture, you haven't met support hose yet!
Chewed butt:
This comes from everyone, the doctors, the patients, the families, the coworkers. Usually it's because they don't think you are moving fast enough to suit them (all), you call them too many times (doctors- if only they'd write legibly), they've been waiting too long for a box of kleenex while you did CPR next door - or worse, they've been waiting for pain medicine and you had to page the doctor to get an order (who bitched at you for calling them) fax the order to pharmacy (who bitched at you because they need the patient's height, weight and allergies) get bitched at by the family for taking too long while you wait for pharmacy to send you the medicine, get bitched at by the patient because they didn't like the pain medicine the doctor ordered, and then get bitched at by your coworkers who are waiting for your report/or for you to answer the phone call/or to help Dr. So and So, and where's that box of kleenex? Being a real life nurse I can honestly say that ALL these things have happened to me!
Now, the poor victim, the nurse, was actually either a victim of drop dead exhaustion or suicide. She'd been worked too hard and just dropped dead, or perhaps she felt unloved and unappreciated and disillusioned from her ideal of caring for others turned to "mistress of pain and suffering". Now after all this, why would I still want to be a nurse? Well, because those poor people who are having a hell of a worse day because they have tubes sticking out of them and they just found out they had cancer, and are in much pain, need me. Nurses by nature are self-abusing because they will bust their ass to try and help someone else because they care. All it takes are the few times when I get a thank you, or when a patient who has recovered comes back to visit, or the times when I personally have prevented a major break down in a patient's condition because I know what I'm doing. Lastly, it's because I'm doing the work God intended for me to do, and I pledged myself to it long ago. But I tell you, this job makes you appreciate the little things in life, like taking a leak, sitting down for a long dinner, being able to walk, breathing real air. It also toughens your skin so you don't take things personally!
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How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse | Login/Create an account | 11 Comments |
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Jan 11, 2004 - 10:32 AM
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My mom has been a nurse for 30 or so years and I totally understand how it is. I practically grew up in the Enumclaw Memorial Hospital, I was there so much, either from jacking myself up doing god knows what or because I'd go to work with my mom in the early early mornings and sleep or play or help her with paperwork until it was time to drive me to school. I also spend a good amount of time in the hospital NOW due to a husband who's better at fucking himself up more than I do, and because of his magical collapsing lung.
Out of the four times he's been in to the ER, I've gone home pissed off three of them. I understand the plight of the nurse, don't get me wrong, but holy fucking hell. The first time was a week long battle with nurses over my husband's diet, when he needed to use the can PLEASE don't send the 65 year old 5' woman to haul a 6'2" man with a chest tube out of bed, managing his pain (which was horrible, I heard several times "oh a chest tube can't be hurting THAT BAD...) and getting outright called "potheads" the night we checked in. "Well I need you to tell me, because I can smell pot smoke and it'll affect his pain management." not "If you use rec drugs please let us know so we can adjust his pain meds, it's important."
I fought with those bitches all night, and all the next day, and then FINALLY either it was them fed up with ME or my mom down in the ER saying something when I broke down on her when I was searching for coffee, but we got a fabulous lady with a kind of moustache and frizzy dyed red hair and an iguana sock over her stethescope who obviously loved her job, was quick, efficient, cheerful, and a little crazy. I loved her.
Then his cat mauled his hand during a seizure, and a technician kept jamming the needle into his wrist bone and flexing it like he was going "go fish" in the arm of a man with the biggest veins EVER. He had a bruise and a lump for a month.
And lastly, he went in thinking his lung collapsed again, and after a battery of tests (one of which came back wrong and said 0 on something important, and I could hear them talking "0 huh? Is he dead? Go ask the guy in 5 if he's dead. For the rest of the night he was "the dead guy in 5"...kinda hillarious, but not at 3am). They left us sitting in there for TWO HOURS without any info on anything, and then finally came back and said "you're fine, go home" and when I asked what he could do to prevent future chest wall pain they said "nothing, you just get to live with it".
I understand the stresses and the pressure, and all it takes to redeem a place is a few good nurses who love their job, but good freaking hell, some of the ones I've had to deal with are enough to make me give up conventional medicine and haul his ass to my nice and friendly local witchdoctor from now on. Oh, and for anyone who wants a REALLY REALLY good doctor and nurses, go to welfare clinics. Those people know what they're fucking doing, I swear.
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse by teddiliza (-) on Jan 11, 2004 - 02:12 PM (User info | Send a Message) | I've just got to respond. Unfortunately, in our hospital, we don't have big strong male orderlies to get people to the commode, which means a bedpan if they can't get out of bed with two women helping them. I try to tell people that chagrin over a bedpan is less painfull than a broken bone from falling trying to get up.
I can only assume that the nurse who told you you smelled like pot was jaded and cynical, and shouldn't have been assuming like that. She must have been in a pissy mood or suffer the lack of tact personality trait. I would have definitely mentioned to her supervisor that she needed some additional training in tact. We have an admission history that people answer the question if they use any recreational drugs. It is important to know so we can monitor them for symptoms of withdrawal (seizures, fever, tremors, hypertension, delirium) and get a doctors order for antiseizure/withdrawal meds, and they WILL need higher doses of pain medicine than the average person. Just like a person who has had back pain for 20 years and has to take oxycontin daily has developed a tolerance and will need more. We go by pain scores 1-10 and medicate based on that. However if a person is sleepy, lethargic, can barely rate their pain or stay awake, it is unsafe to give them a lot of medicine because you can supress their respiration centers.
I'm surprized you had to fight with the nurses about your husband's diet, because the physician is the one who puts on diet limitations, not the nurses. However, if I'm someone's nurse, and they're diabetic with blood sugars twice what is normal, there's no way in hell I'm going to give them a pepsi- and send them into coma. I could lose my license for that by not adhering to diabetic diet orders. Same thing if a doctor orders No eating or drinking, and I order and hand the patient a hamburger, and then they have to cancel surgery or a procedure which requires the stomach to be empty, I've just cost the patient hundreds of dollars by lengthening their hospital stay, and they wouldn't be able to diagnose the problem as quickly which might lead to patient demise, over a hamburger? Another example, if someone is in kidney failure, and I give them a whole bunch of high potassium and sodium foods and send their blood levels skyrocketing, requiring an extra day of dialysis because I didn't adhere to their diet restrictions. That sort of thing would get me fired. Trust me I refuse to lose my job and my license after 4 years of college over a hamburger! If they want a hamburger that badly, they can check out of the hospital and go get one.
And the IV. I hate starting IV's- which is why I made the comment about torturing family with a needle while everyone watches. You feel bad having to stick somebody period, but feel 10x worse each time you miss a vein. It ain't easy, trust me. Big veins are deceptive, they don't always cooperate. And it always looks horrible to those watching because the imagination is usually worse than the real thing (at least in my opinion- I've been stuck for plasma donations and it always looks worse than it is).
I agree with you on the welfare clinics part because doctors and nurses who enter into public health have a different mindset, they are there to serve the public, not "play god" and "play golf at the country club" . Time is a big factor in everything as well, people who are rushed aren't as relaxed and are more likely to make mistakes in judgement.
Some advice I tell my friends and family is: bring cough drops, tylenol, ibuprofen and your home meds with you. You are an awake, alert, conscious individual you can take your own medicines, but when you seek medical treatment you are there for help. If your doctor says- don't take tylenol because.... or you can't take ibuprofen because.... then listen to them. Same thing if you try to take your blood pressure pill and the nurse says "stop, wait, your blood pressure is too low it is dangerous to take that pill, you'
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 11, 2004 - 06:16 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Oh I don't blame nurses at all (or all of them at least) cuz like I said, my mom is one, and hospital visits are NEVER fun for anyone either. I'm a patient person, keep out of the way, I almost always keep my mouth shut because they're nurses and I am not, unless like the time he was hospitalised. My fight about his diet comes from the fact that we're strict vegans, I informed the check in lady when she questioned the menu if he was feeling up to eating the next day, told her what it was, what he couldn't have and why, and they sent him pancakes, even tho I showed her the meals I'd prepared and had approved in the employee fridge. We weren't rude about it, he simply said "oh I'm sorry, I can't eat this. I'm not hungry anyway, thank you" and she said "well I'm sure there's something on that you can eat" and left it with him. Then she came back and said "Oh well I see you didn't eat any of this OH WELL I guess I'll have to throw it out, I hope none of the other patients waiting for their breakfasts don't see this and think GEE I WISH I HAD THAT right now. Humph." and sauntered off.
I also understand that they HAVE to know if a patient is a drug user, but she didn't ask, she demanded that we admit to something we don't, claiming to smell "pot smoke". (my mother told me if she claimed to smell pot smoke again that I should suggest she change her shirt before coming to work *lol*).
I think overall the irritation became full blown when we got a new nurse and I got to compare the differences between her and the brats we were stuck with the first night and morning.
I could go on and on about the doctors, the rudeness, and the non challance that he was treated with by some of them, but I swear if you get me going I'm never going to shut up! |
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse by feralucce (Iwouldliketokillyou@gofuckyourself.com) on Jan 12, 2004 - 10:10 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://feralucce.webhostingpal.com/ | I am goinna be a nit picker here... *grins* it is just how I am...
part of your id was incorrect... when the body ceases to function, so does muscular control... her bladder wasn't full... or she wasn't dead... though some of the nurses in the places I have seen could be mistaken for dead... I feel sorry for anyone in this field...
Feral |
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 12, 2004 - 11:13 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | I feel sorry for MOST people in the field, and for the truly unhappy ones that are jerks they can find a new job and kiss my bootay. |
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 12, 2004 - 11:21 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Oh, AND I also feel sorry for the nurses when they have HELL patients in, the last time michael was in the hospital I got to hear one of the nurses chew out two teenage girls, one of which was in the ER next to us, the other her friend, who had their goddamned cell phone going off every other minute, them giggling and screaming, going in and out and in and out of the room until one of the nurses (the one who started "dead guy in five") told her (word for word) to sit down and shut up or get out of the ER. Then she took her cell phone, shut it off, and gave it to her dad in the waiting room.
I felt like giving her a prize. I'm sure it felt SO good. |
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse by teddiliza (-) on Jan 13, 2004 - 11:14 AM (User info | Send a Message) | Feral, Didn't you know that the nurses bladder defies all laws of nature?
hahahaha, point taken. |
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Re: How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse
by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfatvzavenuedotnet)
on Jan 12, 2004 - 09:37 PM
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Since Bettie already started the complaining, The one time I had to get stitches that I would be able to remember(firs time I was two) I must have gotten the fastest needle in the west.
I had gashed my knee open, and he decided to anesthetise me, clean it, and sew it back up.
He must have stabbed the needle into my knee like thirty times. During which time I complained.
Then he began the sewing, I told him that I could feel it, and that it hurt, a lot. He told me I couldn't, and moved more stuff around. I told him that I knew what I could feel, and that it hurt. Well, he finished sewing, ignoring my protestations, and sent me on my way.
As I walked out the door, my knee went numb as the anesthetic finally kicked in, and I almost fell over...
Other than him though, I've had nothing but good eperiences with nurses. Now doctors on the other hand...
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Re: Nurse or Teacher?
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 03:42 AM
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Oddly, your dead unidentified person could easily be a teacher so I would not have jumped to the conclusion of nurse so quickly. Particularly those of us teaching in the far away land of ESL.
IN general however, we do have better hours than most nurses, only needing to put in between 8 and 10 hours a day. So that is certianly a saving grace.
But, Iron Stomach, you never have time to eat, or time for a lunch break because you are running around, talking to people, having meetings, talking to parents, or helping kids.
Since there are only about three to six teachers in the school you don't have time to leave your class to pee, so you need to hold it for about six to 8 hours.
Your hands end up being red from writing on the board, grading papers, peeling stickers, and handing out work, and the fingernails are clean because there are times when all you can do is clean your nails while the class breaks into a babysitting day care.
Your own your feet most of the time in front of the board, or playing games, jumping around, and becoming a make-shift gym teacher. You also have to chase after the children on occasion.
And, no matter how well you do your job, parents, other teachers, and the administration, never stop chewing your ass about how you could be a better, more productive, and friendly teacher. Constantly harping on how you could change things to make them better, without appreciating the fact that you might actually know what your doing.
Yeah, that could be a teacher lying out there, it would be my second guess...
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