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Theories: Platonic Friends |
Posted by
Comedian on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 07:28 AM PST
I am a man (Sit down, shut up, and stop giggling. It's a bad way to start an article, but I love drama like a SoCal wino loves 90210.). I have a lot of male friends, but I also have a raft of female friends. Most of my female friends share the same pessimistic view of the ladder theory(http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html) and argue, rather hastily, that whenever I talk to any other one of them I'm trying to pick that one up(I am a dog, I will admit - Desperately Ogling Gentleman). Do platonic relationships really exist between men and women?
Probably my first real female friends came around in High School. Sure, I wanted to get in their pants - but it wasn't happening. So I gave up, fearful of the end result of the monologues of many comedians - that I'd wind up in the 'friends' zone. A bad place to be, for a guy, supposedly. But I wound up in the friends zone regardless - my own actions of withholding my luminous presence merely causing them to cling to me more. So, we continued to hang out, and I crossed over into the friend zone with little protest - after all, you've got eye candy and a good conversation - what's not to like?
College(Community College, to be fair, the Disco Club of Learning) proved to be another place to just sit and shoot the breeze with the opposite sex. A beautiful Argentinian girl became a good friend, having roughly the same vulgar, sexist and possibly quite prejudiced sense of humor as my own. Though I clearly fawned over her beauty, I couldn't bring myself to try and ask her out when she was showing me blatantly manipulated images of Osama Bin Laden getting his shift on with a donkey(It really is quite difficult for a 'player' to keep his 'game' on when a girl is making him shit himself with laughter). Other good friends came from my studies - the forced social contact of the terrible fear of failure driving people together despite whatever race, creed, or other beliefs would normally cause them to stab, rape, and bury eachother.
And then I entered the working world. Eye candy at work is something of a mixed social issue - "Don't dip your pen in the company ink," while at the same time you meet plenty of people who met on the job. The usual circumstance leads one to leave the job after the couple is together, and they continue dating afterward happily - because damn, you can't date your boss.
Or can you? At my first job, we had three couples that worked there - sure, the drunk ones would always get in fights and then one-half the couple wouldn't show up to work the next day, but, then again, I wouldn't think they'd show up to work hungover in the first place, even if a spousal imbroglio was underway.
Weighing the options, I opted out of the work/date pool - and just had friends. It worked out a lot better, and I got invited to a lot more parties - I just had to ogle the clientele of our fine establishment.
Back in College now, and working two jobs after a half a year on hiatus, and I have at least eight platonic and semi-available female friends on my cell-phone number list. I count them as friends, at least - I know the only saving grace is that I'm not eager to get my groove down with them. I try not to think of them as gorgeous bits of stuff - I treat them all like my drug dealer that I owe 200 dollars to.
But I'm still not convinced. Is it possible to have truly platonic friends that last a lifetime?
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Platonic Friends | Login/Create an account | 16 Comments |
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Re: Platonic Friends
by tallidaho (jadetater@yahoo.com)
on Jan 07, 2004 - 10:21 AM
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I think it's not only possible, it is fully necessary to do so. While the ladder theory may or may not prove true, in the end if we don't have friends of the opposite sex then we lose out on some of the best friendships possible.
Then again, also enter into this issue sexual preference-- can two gay guys be platonic friends? Two lesbians? Can a bisexual be platonic friends with ANYBODY? Obviously, the answer is yes-- and while the line between friendship and romance may blur at times, in the end I see nothing wrong or impossible about loving, totally platonically and as a friend, someone who you might be attracted to.
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Re: Platonic Friends
by MetalHurlant on Jan 08, 2004 - 11:46 AM
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Well, darling, I hope for your sake that it is possible. I'm a little thing, I don't want to wreck my vengance on eight different people.
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Re: Platonic Friends
by pandoras_choice (-)
on Jan 08, 2004 - 08:14 PM
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As a student in high school, I have not yet had the benefit of time to give me experience in this department. So far, however, I do believe in the rare platonic relationship. I've had two, but who knows what the future will bring?
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Re: Platonic Friends
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Jan 11, 2004 - 10:54 AM
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I think it's possible, but a true platonic relationship where both parties have absolutely NO interest or the slightest thought whatsoever about the miniscule possibility of "hooking up"....rare. Even if one person has absolutely no interest, most of the time the other one is harboring even a little attraction. And also in most cases, if there was a shot for one person in that relationship to score with the other one, they would, even if it required booze, drugs, or extraneous circumstances.
I had mostly guy friends in highschool, but as I got a tad older (and not quite so ugly) I began to realise that I was the only one that thought I was "one of the guys" and that there wouldn't be any problems.
It makes my husband uncomfortable for me to hang around other guys (and I don't blame him) so out of respect for him I don't, and even tho I don't care if he hangs out with single girls, he doesn't do that either out of respect for me. In the rare occasion that I "go out", and on the rarer occasion I do it without him, if a guy is involved it's only if his girlfriend is with him. Tho I do think that wholly platonic relationships exist, even tho truly rare, I'd not risk my marriage or my saftey on it.
Women are usually the ones that swear by platonic relationships, because honestly, they can't or won't think like a guy. "We talk! We enjoy conversation! He's just a friend!" Ask that guy about his platonic relationship with the same girl and you'll get the equivalent of "Man, she won't shut up, yak yak yak, I hope she gets sick of her boyfriend soon or my balls are going to burst."
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Re: Platonic Friends by Devin (devin-at-vibechild-dot-com) on Jan 12, 2004 - 07:52 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://devin.vibechild.com/ | Most fag-hags I've known would secretly (or not so secretly) do their fags given the right circumstances.
Also I'm not sure those totally count as friends of the opposite sex. |
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Re: Platonic Friends by Starlight (elenmea@hotmail.com) on Jan 12, 2004 - 11:36 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.geocities.com/nony_one/index.html | I've gotta agree that a lot of the guys in a so-called platonic relationship seem to be of the mind-set that hey he'd do his platonic friend if she wanted him to. I've got male friends, but most of them have at least "play" flirted with me. It seems though that it's the same scenario with my husband's female friends having at least "play" flirted with him. Maybe that's the only way to sort of get the sexual tension issue out in a relatively non-dangerous way. However, if there is a really strong feeling behind an attraction...and it can't be contained...then that's a whole other ballgame. |
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Re: Platonic Friends by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 13, 2004 - 12:34 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Well flirting can be fun if you're single or in an open relationship, but other than that, it can be DISASTEROUS. Especially if your significant other is of the type that can't tell people to step the fuck off. Michael has a hard time being mean, so he just doesn't put himself in those situations anymore.
But a TRUE BLUE platonic relationshipbetween opposite sexes or with someone who prefers the same sex as you? being normal? Nope. The problem is nobody'll admit it, most often, WOMEN won't admit it. |
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Re: Platonic Friends by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com) on Jan 13, 2004 - 07:44 AM (User info | Send a Message) | I have to admit it. I've thought long and hard about this one... I've reviewed all of my past friendships, and I honestly have to admit that I've never had a friendship with a boy that was absolutely platonic on the part of BOTH parties. There have been times when one or the other would see the other in a completely platonic light, but never both at the same time. I'll also say that this does not mean the friendship can't work, or is doomed to failure, or that somebody is going to end up cheating on someone. Its very possible to remain close friends for a long time, forever even... even with an undercurrent of sexual tension. Its possible to keep yourself under control enough to not cheat in a monogamous relationship. So, even if a full blown sexual fantasy is simmering in someone's mind about someone, a friendship can be carried on in a platonic manner, even if its not strictly platonic in every sense of the word.
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Re: Platonic Friends by Starlight (elenmea@hotmail.com) on Jan 13, 2004 - 06:04 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.geocities.com/nony_one/index.html | When I review my friendships with males, it appears more often than not that there is something reasonably attractive to me about them...or if they're a lot younger than me...I can see that I would have liked them in high school, etc. There are some that I in no way have any attraction to them other than feeling like they are my brother, but more often than not I see something attractive in them. I think overall that most of my platonic friendships are "functionally platonic" rather than "truly platonic on every level whatsoever". In truth, if I really think about it, I might be offended if I heard a male friend straight up tell me that they thought I was unattractive. |
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Re: Platonic Friends by Starlight (elenmea@hotmail.com) on Jan 13, 2004 - 05:52 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.geocities.com/nony_one/index.html | I can take care of telling people to back off, but luckily my husband is good at telling them to back off too. He sort has done it with a "good natured" "hey now...back off alright" and hasn't been a problem. Luckily though, I wouldn't be friends with any guys that I thought would actually "try" something with me...cuz if they did try something knowing that it was wrong of them to do so...I wouldn't hesitate to tell them to kindly fuck off permanently. We are strictly monogamous but "play flirting" type stuff is okay since we both know we don't really want anyone else. |
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Re: Platonic Friends
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 03:53 AM
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I would say the answer specifically to Comedians question is pretty much staight up no. Look at the language he uses to describe is Platonic friends, their hot, beatuiful, semi-available, gorgeous bits of stuff.
At any point will you be able to have a truly platonic relationship with a beautiful hottie that you would screw given the chance, um, no?!
However, if you were to perhaps stop associating, or at least change the group of your circle of friends to include girls you like but would not do, than perhaps it might be true. It seems to me, however, that based on your current set of girl friends, however they may feel towards you, you certainly feel somewhat differently towards them when you say "just friends" (fingers crossed, waiting for boyfriend to leave the country).
I think the larger question here is why do you care? What's wrong with being friends with a girl your not having sex with, and remaining her friend even after you've acknowledge that your not going to have sex with her? She's your friend, you're hers, so why worry?
The only reason I can see for worrying about the "truly platonic friendship" is because deep down you have to admit that you are only willing to be the girls intellectual whore for so long before you will drop her off your list of contacts while looking for better, and potentially more greener pastures, in which case she's not your friend at all. In essence, the questions itself speaks for a world of guilt you will eventually feel.
My two cents.
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Re: Platonic Friends
by BlueLinn (jishin101@yahoo.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 07:04 AM
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yes all this seems to be true. However, when one truely is just a friend and remains in contact over the years without flirting, this is truely platonic. I have a friend who is a gamer,, well I have many friends who are gamers. But this one is truely just a friend. I've never dated him, never had thoughts and he never has had thoughts either. But I have known him for about 5 years. (however, he is also bi-sexual) But also, on that note, he has never propogated with anyone. He did have one girlfriend who he kissed, but that is about all that I have heard of.
This, is a truely platonic relationship. Where there is no attraction other than gaming and intellectual. Sex does NOT have to be a portion of every relationship formed in life.
Now, on another note, Eunics, as in the ones who guarded the harems of days of old. They could be truely platonic relationships, because they had nothing to think with other than their brains...
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Re: Platonic Friends by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 13, 2004 - 10:36 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Oh nobody's arguing the fact that they DO exist, just the fact that they're rarer than believed (the true true kind) I have "platonic" relationships at work, and platonic relationships with customers, but still, and running the risk of sounding egotistical (and I'm not, just speaking realistically), that's for all I know only on MY side of the issue.
You have to understand that for about 90% of the population, sex IS the underlying factor in almost EVERY relationship, even in who we pick as friends. Women may try to befirend more attractive women to attract more attractive men, or befriend a few not-so pretty girls to go out with so they look better by comparison. Men may join team sports and hang out with atheletes to attract a certain kind of girl, or, just like women, befriend uglier counterparts to make themselves look even better. Exceptions don't prove the rule, mind you, but that doesn't mean they don't exist :) |
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