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Articles: Prete a Porte Parent |
Posted by
callei on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 05:38 PM PST
I am being made a parent. My dad and my stepmom are divorcing. They have been together 20 years now. She has been my "other mom" for most of my life. Now she is gone. That is hard and uncomfortable, but the really hard part, the needles under the fingernails part, is that they are giving me custody of my younger brother (ok half brother if you want to get technical).
He is 16, a nice kid, and really bright. He is also failing out of school. How am I, a rebel from the 80's that held a GPA of 4.2 with a mohawk, going to be the disipline in his life?
He writes like PG wodehouse with the blues. He can conjugate latin verbs. He quotes "The Prince" easily. But he can't pass Freshman English. The best part, the real thigh slapper, is that he says that he's not goth.
He wears all black with odd amine style shirts. He reads Poe for fun. He just recommended that I read Stephen King's "Nightmares & Dreamscapes" because "its full of good stories about flights gone bad!". Yah, he's not goth, and I'm not short.
Point is I'm scared. I feel the pressure. Is it possible to help him heal the scars from our mutual parents? Is it possible to fight the teen angst that he is going to have? I dont know and Im scared to find out.
Can anyone give ME support in this trying time? Can anyone tell me that it will all be OK? I think I will go staple my hand to my forhead.....
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Average Rating : 4.3
Total ratings : 3
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Prete a Porte Parent | Login/Create an account | 4 Comments |
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Re: Prete a Porte Parent
by Schizo on May 30, 2001 - 09:44 PM
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YOU WILL BE OK!!!!!!! I know you will. You are quite obviously a person of sensitivity and intelligence, and you obviously care deeply for your brother. That is what matters. You will help him. Although, no one can heal a person's wounds but himself. I learned that from dealing with my very troubled, scarred ex-boyfriend. I learned it the hard way. But it always helps to have someone understanding who is available if you need them. And I have a feeling you will be both understanding and available for your brother. But the point is, it's not your responsibility to fix him. So don't stress out too much over it, please!
I sympathize with you heartily over the forthcoming angst you must deal with! But I'm sure you'll do fine. (As long as you don't squash him quite as thoroughly as you do the poor, misguided fools who angst their way across the Goth Test Forum!)
You rock, Callei! You WILL survive!
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Re: Prete a Porte Parent
by ickgirl on May 31, 2001 - 11:53 AM
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wow, you are very courageous indeed. i was in a very similar situation with my neice. she stayed with me a lot during summers when she was 10-12 years old, and she really wanted to live with me - something that really freaked me out, but something i wanted to do nonetheless.
I'm sure it will be ok, as long as you don't try to immediately CHANGE the type of relationship you've always had with him. He's 16, the point in life where you pretty much do what you want anyway, so i guess just be there for him...
ick-
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Re: Prete a Porte Parent
by cannibal_grrl on May 31, 2001 - 12:35 PM
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That's quite a heavy responsibility to take on... I can relate to your situation, in that I was left at age 8.5 to raise my sister from the first couple weeks of her life, till she was 9, while our mother did nothing but work, sleep, party, and add more household responsibilities to my list. I'm still called "mom" by that kid more than our real mom is, and called on for advice and comfort often by the currently young teen.
I can see why you'd be scared to take this on...worried that you're not going to do a good job, or that everything will just fall apart on you. Saying "don't stress it too much" is much easier than taking the advice. I do agree with Ickgirl, though, when she said that he is 16 now, and is probably pretty self-sufficient. Fighting teen angst isn't going to do much more than fuel the fire. When you run into problems with him, remember what it was like for you when you were that age, and let him know that you can relate, and share the things you've learned freely, and hope that he listens. The most important thing to maintain is full communication--he'll need to be heard out from time to time--listening is a lost art amongst many parents, and is very useful in rough times.
It sounds like he's a pretty cool kid, and as long as you stick together in this difficult time, you'll be fine. Best wishes to you in this endeavor!
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Re: Prete a Porte Parent by Meranda_Jade (scurtis510@home.com) on Jun 26, 2001 - 10:03 PM (User info | Send a Message) | That sounds like my mom... my sister recently admitted to me that I had been more of a mother to her when we were growing up... my mom used to leave me at about the age of 10 to babysit my 7 year old sister, and 7 year old and 3 year old stepbrothers while she and stepdad went partying. She'd been a cocktail waitress most of my early days, and we learned early how to let ourselves in after school, entertain ourselves, and prepare simple meals. If we bothered her while she was sleeping, she would throw stuff at us and make us go away. By the time I was 12, I was doing all the cooking, and a good bit of the housework... my sister did the rest. Mummy did nothing if she could get away with it. She and stepdad would drink and smoke pot and order us around... When he left, Mom couldn't handle us, and we pretty much ran wild. It's a miracle that we weren't killed or that we didn't grow up to be bad people... We're both responsible adults with kids of our own, and we do our best to make sure our kids never know the kind of life we did. |
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