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Re: Girls Don't Share Porn(Score: 2)
by Meranda_Jade(Meranda@mymind.com) on Apr 24, 2006 - 08:57 AM | I think my first introduction to porn was a dirty joke book that I found at a disreputable babysitter's house. I was perhaps seven. It was all cartoony, the kind of one panel comics you find in Playboy. I'm not sure how much of it I really understood, only that it was dirty, and reading it made me feel embarrassed and dirty. I kept reading it whenever I was over there. I don't think I connected it to my masturbation habits (I'd been whacking off since I was at least four), but it fascinated me to think that adults were so nasty. Funny, I didn't have a clue what "nasty" really was.
The first time I saw actual porn was when I was perhaps eleven. Someone had left an old Penthouse magazine out in a field and I'd found it on my wanderings. One picture really stood out to me, two pretty ladies laying sprawled against each other, 69, faces very close to pretty, lacy panties, licking each others' thighs. It was a more interesting picture than the centerfold, which was a lady sitting in a chair, legs spread and dark, hairy pussy hanging open for all to see. I didn't like that picture. It was dirty, and for some reason, made me feel bad. I liked the other picture, which I thought was beautiful. It confused me in a lot of ways, I'd never really thought that girls could like touching each other like that. It just wasn't something that I'd been exposed to. It didn't seem so wrong, once I thought about it, but I think it shocked me a bit. I think I thought it was supposed to be "bad" because it was in a "bad" magazine. I didn't think too long or hard about why I kept wanting to look at that one picture. I buried the magazine in the field after a while. I knew I didn't want to get caught looking at it.
Soon after that, I found my mom's stash of bodice-rippers. Wow. A whole new world came alive to me. *This* was what turned me on. Stories of passion and violence, long descriptions of bodies coming together, what parts to touch and how. More important than that, why. I realized that, for me, there had to be a reason for the sex, the build-up leading to it was more important than the act itself. This was where my own very active imagination kicked in, and I spun stories in my mind that actually frightened me at times. No one had ever touched me in passion, but by the time I was 13, I'd had sex in my mind hundreds of times.
I kept reading romance novels on the sly, and when I got hold of a particularly juicy one, I started reading it to my friends. Two other girls and I would sit in my bed late at night as I would tell them bedtime stories. (The other girls were living in the same house, so there were many of these late-night readings.) It got so they couldn't wait for bedtime. We'd all fall asleep in the same bed like a pile of puppies. I don't know what they dreamed about, but my own dreams were pretty vivid.
Some time after that, I got a boyfriend. It was time to put into practice all the things I'd been reading about and then some. He had a very extensive collection of Hustler magazine and we'd look at them together. I particularly liked the smaller books that were just stories, no pictures. We'd read them to each other and then act some of them out. We role-played, played dress-up with each other, used handcuffs and ropes and tried every position we'd ever heard about and even made some up. Using porn as a guide, we thoroughly explored each other in a surprisingly innocent teenage way. We did the most perveted things to each other, but it never felt dirty or bad. It was clean and pure... perhaps because we were both so blissfully starry eyed in love that nothing we did with each others' bodies could ever be wrong or bad. And so, porn ceased to be bad in my mind. It was another good thing to share with someone special.
The first time I saw a porn video, I thought I would die laughing. Some friends had gotten hold of one and showed it at their house. They acted all silly, giggly and embarrased by it. I laughed at the stupid plot, the bad music, the downright ugly actors... and was absolutely bored with the sex. I wondered why people would want to watch a movie portraying bad sex, with no real build-up behind it. There was no tension, no passion, and nothing to engage my imagination. I was actually disappointed. I think it was then that I started to think sex was different for men than it was for women. I knew the movie was meant to be for men's entertainment and it gave me the impression that men just didn't care about much beyond tits, ass and hiding the sausage, whereas women needed at least something in the way of romance. Something mental to build the tension, a story, an adventure of some kind, any kind, not just "Hey, you're here, I'm here, let's do it." Every time I've watched live action porn since, my reaction has been, "Eh, it's okay, I guess."
Enter hentai anime. Wow. I'd finally found porn that really interested me. It had everything I liked, an action-packed story, thrills, danger, excitement. And it was so pretty. And the noises the little animated Japanese schoolgirls were making were so cute! The only thing that bothered me about it was that the "guy" was always a large, blobby slime-covered monster. Why couldn't there be one with a really hot and very evil guy? I was thrilled when I found one like that, after years of searching. I now have a nice little collection of cartoon porn. I showed it to my neighbor one night when she came over. About a week later, we were talking and she said, "You know, I can't get that movie you showed me out of my mind. I've never seen anything like that! I just couldn't stop thinking about it, can I borrow it sometime?" I said, "Sure!" She can borrow my whole collection as soon as she gets a DVD player.
As far as sharing homemade porn goes, I guess I'm not really all that good about putting what is in my head onto paper. I can write a story, get the tension-building bits all lined up... but it always seems to fall flat as soon as I start writing the juicy parts. I can't write a sex scene to save my life. I don't know if I'm still embarrassed about it, (which doesn't make any sense) or if it's just too..well...personal. Maybe I'm just not comfortable with sharing that part of myself, that one last little bit of intimacy, the stuff that's in the x rated parts of my mind. It's hard, very hard, to share sexual fantasies with others. You always wonder if you're more warped and twisted than everyone else out there and if they'll think badly of you for it. Girls are taught practically from the cradle that liking sex and having dirty thoughts is "bad". Writing all those "bad" thoughts down brings out all kinds of guilty feelings. And that's why girls don't share porn. When it comes down to it, few girls can bring themselves to admit they like sex. At least not to anyone but themselves and their close friends, in private. A girl who likes sex is a whore in the eyes of the world. A girl who makes porn *must* be a raging slut. It's not right and it's not fair. For porn aimed at women to become as widespread as men's porn, the first thing that has to happen is women have got to get over the fear of being called slutty for admitting they like it, read it, look at it, write it, draw it, photograph it, etc. More women need to be making more porn that is specifically appealing to women. The more women who do it, the less taboo it will become and soon it will be all over the place.
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