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Re: Is Goth Genitic?
by Fergshmuck (fury_alecto@yahoo.com)
on Jul 27, 2001 - 09:28 AM
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I'm not quite a goth, per se, and neither is my mom, but I know what both of you feel like. All the time I was growing up, my dad told me that my mom was a druggie road whore with no sense of responsibility or love for her children, and she was this and wasn't that. (now, no offense to Jewish people- I'm half one myself and know that I have some of the same "qualities"..) Both my dad and my uncle are hardcore Jews, and we all know what that means- "My Way Or The Highway, Kiddo." So in my later high school years, my request for a year after graduation to think about what I wanted to do and major in in college was denied repeatedly, and I got that same "philosophy" thrown in my face again and again. So while I was living in the college dorm being miserable, I called my mom about a week before I turned 18 and arranged to drop out, pack my stuff, and go with her to Arizona a week after my birthday. It was to be my late B-day gift, as I put it. ^_^ Well, when I got there, I found a room that looked alot like mine had when I was in high school, except with more colors and Eric Clapton CDs. Since it was so close to Halloween when I got there, after I got a job and everything, my mom picked me up from work on Halloween night, gave me her leather jacket to wear in the cold, picked up a bottle of cheap wine for each of us, and we spent six or seven hours walking around the town graveyard drinking and talking. It turned out that we had almost everything in common but the generation gap, and were on the same finishing-each-other's-sentences level that you and your daughter are on, Nightside. What happened with my mom was this: when I was little, every time she'd tried to come see me, my dad would threaten her with a restraining order. He also apparently hid alot of letters and cards she'd sent me over the years, and would refuse to tell her our new address when we moved to a different part of town. He would only let her see me on select birthdays and had to be on our heels every time she did. That sort of thing. When I finally got up the gall to quit my dad's plans and go live with my mom, I was ever so happy I did. We can't quite have a deep, soul-shaking relationship anymore, because we've both been screwed over by too many people and fucked up in too many ways to be able to open ourselves completely to anyone ever again, but we at least realize that and know that we're kindred spirits in a weathered world. And even though we're too guarded to be soulmates or something to that effect, I can still say (with pride) that my mom and I are incredibly close, even closer than either of us are with my sister Vanessa. My mom isn't really too booksmart like me, but her life and childhood really didn't allow for much of it. She has tons of common sense and street smarts to make up for it, though. And she's a hippie straight out of the earth, I swear. ^_^ She also recently ended a runaround relationship she'd had for at least 16 years with a guy named Mitch, and decided to try her hand at swinging the other way. I'm happy to say that she has a healthy, successful relationship with a really neat girl named Tasha, and they came to visit us a week or so ago to see the Depeche Mode concert in our area. Just thought I'd throw that in. lol..
I think that, with alot of people who don't really have their own jigsaw space in society, especially people with the mindset I seem to be seeing alot of around this site, this absent-parent/child story is awfully common... but that doesn't mean each situation is special. I've given up questioning the circumstances and results with my mom and I, and am content now just taking it as it is: a bunch of childhood mistakes that turned into something truly cherishable.
`rik
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- TYPO! by Fergshmuck on Aug 09, 2001 - 04:14 PM
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