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hmmmm......
by Phalkon13 (phalkon13@godisdead.com)
on Mar 20, 2002 - 07:22 PM
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http://www.geocities.com/phalkon13
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I slept with the kitchen floor, and a metal bowl (I had a really bad hangover, and a lot of time to think as I was sick on the floor for at least 8 hours)
It might be the winter crazies, but then I could just blame the fact that I did anything instead of hide in the back like before on the same thing. BUT, I went for a walk in the rain last night, as I love to do, and something funny happened. As I was walking through the neighborhood (new to me, since I just moved a couple of month ago), I saw everything in a different light. It might have just been the Bauhaus playing on my CD-Discman, or the brisk air, but every tree, every raindrop, every puddle suddenly seemed new to me. Vibrant. Alive. It was as if I became something different, new. It filled me with something I haven't felt in a long time: Fear. Fear and exilaration. I found a little clearing, kind of a foresty type place, with weeping willows all over, and I felt a rush of fear, love, anxiety, and belonging all at once. I think I fell in love with that place, because it looked so beautiful in the night air, looming, sad, and yet alive, and waiting, almost chanting to me. Well, it made me look at this in a whole new light. I'm not going to hide anymore, not going to stifle anything unless I need to. I think I realized that I need to be more alive again; That I need to live life as much as I can. So the next time I see her, I am going to pull her aside, and have a long talk with her. Not because I need or think I have a chance.... but because I want her to know that this was all for her. ;)
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