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Re: More advice
by Schizo on Nov 15, 2001 - 11:46 AM
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Also, as for valuables, both his and mine, they don't really exist. There was the guitar, which is stuck at his ex's for the time being, like it or not. Getting it back is a priority which is rapidly approaching the top of the list. Then there's the TV, which is mine. A cheap one. An ancient VCR. A very used PlayStation. A no-name-brand CD player with a minimum of gadgets and gizmos. Some knick-knacks, papers, books, clothes, shabby furniture, my cat, and that's about it. Nothing much to snitch and sell. And I've still got his most valuable possession hostage towards his good behavior. He's only getting it back when he goes to Florida IF I get the guitar back.
And as for his untrustworthiness, it only gets bad when he spends too much time with the bitch. Which is pretty much an impossibility for him at the moment. When he's with her, he turns into her little puppet, and she uses him to hurt me. It's more weakness and lack of character than any real intent to harm me. Which makes him temporarily survivable.
And he's starting to face things, or at least facing up to facing them. This last episode really shook him. God, I feel more like he's my child than my equal. He comes running to me like I was Mommy. I do get tired of it sometimes. But if I'm Mommy, I'm a Mommy exercising a certain degree of tough love. I refuse to give him pity. I do my best to be hard as a rock and tell him the truth straight up. If (or when) he screws up again, it will be with his eyes wide open, knowing what he is doing. There's a chance - a slight one - that he's finally going to learn something solid here. He IS trying, and every time he tries he gets a little farther. It's hard to give up on him entirely at this point, when it seems that a victory is so close at hand.
As long as he is open and receptive to me, as he is now, I can help him help himself. While he is like this, I will help him. When he closes himself, please trust me, I will send him out to take the consequences of his foolishness. But it is too important that he learn to be strong. Way too important for me to desert him while he is still trying. For better or worse, he is my baby's daddy, and if he can somehow pull together and be a good daddy someday, I will do all I can to make that possible without sabotaging my own strength.
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